Wouldn't it be Loverly

Solid ground

2012-02-01T12:16:00.001+10:30

I don't like amusement parks. Actually that's not true, I like the clowns in sideshow alley and corn on the cob and the smell of hot cinnamon doughnuts. I like walking about and chatting to my companions and people watching too. I like the wandering really. I don't like rides though. Not even one little bit. I get madly motion sick and am scared witless of heights so nothing about an amusement park ride is appealing to me. And really that's a good metaphor for my life. I like the food, the smells, walking about and having a chat, playing some games but I don't like the high highs and I don't like the low lows, it makes me want to throw up. I thrive best on solid ground.

Lately, I've been finding myself feeling like I want to throw up quite a lot. I have to immerse myself into being busy with the small people (not hard!) or cook up a huge storm in order to hide from that feeling for even a short while. I've started to sleep woefully even when the boys sleep well. Some of it is the not knowing which way to turn in the way of parenting, especially with Little Lion (it makes me laugh when people say parents should trust their instincts with babies cos I don't have many instincts with parenting a baby, though I do with a toddler). Some of it is feeling entirely lost in my role as parent and wife but part of it is that I don't know what is next for me. My job isn't secure, it may or may not be happening later in the year. Financially we may or may cope if I didn't go back to work. I'm not really sure. I'd like to start my own business I think and though I have ideas I don't have start up funds and I don't have the energy to invest in a new "thing". I also know with every inch of me that I need to focus on making life easy not more complex at the moment so I'm hesitant to take on such a huge challenge at this time.

The ground is a bit wobbly beneath my feet and I am really grateful for the solid rock of my darling husband or I'd have already fallen in a heap.

Some days I feel ok - the sun shines, I play with my boys, I laugh, I call or visit a friend, I make nice food and eat that nice food too but something is niggling at me - that there needs to be something more. I have no idea what that "more" is but in the meantime I will have to embrace the wonkiness til I make it back to solid ground.

Image: Zila Longenecker

(more) Adventures in Sleep

2012-01-25T11:57:00.001+10:30

I must admit that when I was pregnant with Little Lion my only two wishes were for a healthy baby and well an "easier, better sleeping" baby than Bebito was. Initially it seemed I got my wish on both counts but the easy/sleepy wore off after a week.

A few weeks back I had a family member say, "he isn't a very happy baby is he? What are you doing about that?" I must admit I thanked this person for assisting with laying the Mama Guilt on even more thickly.

There were days when he slept for 20 minutes or not at all and then woke 8 or 9 times a night. We went to sleep school but it only helped a little. I turned to various techniques and some days were fantastic but most were well, not! Bebito suffered from the lack of attention and I felt torn between them both. I accepted as best I could that Little Lion was a cat napper and got him up regardless of how long he'd slept. We were all grumpy for weeks! Life was a haze of baby grizzles, Bebito grumpiness and constant feeding. Something had to give, it just wasn't working for us.

I looked into the Gina Ford routine but struggled with the how of getting him to stick to a schedule or make him go to sleep! I looked again at my Elizabeth Pantley & Pinky McKay books & tried various things in there. I had a great book with Bebito but it's targeted at babies 6 months plus. Then a few good friends whose parenting I respect suggested I look at the Tizzie Hall, Save Our Sleep book. What she said made complete sense and I knew I would have to "train" LL to get to sleep by himself. I was at the end of my tether (said tether was reached far quicker than with Bebito!). I arranged for Bebito to go to Grandma's and started with the techniques last week. The change in my baby has been incredible! He is feeding properly, napping 3-4 hours a day and waking once a night at most. When he's awake he is giggly and smiling. Bebito and I get time together now

It is in no way easy to listen to your baby cry even a little and he did cry A LOT the first few days but I was resolved to give this a proper go and I liked the idea of staying with him for so long given his age.

I know some people are vehemently opposed to these techniques but we have almost come out the other side with a much happier family.

This morning for THE very first time LL was put down for his nap without a feed, cuddle or rocking and he didn't cry. He woke after 40 minutes, cried a little and went back to sleep. He woke after another hour and giggled away until I went to pick him up after a few minutes. Unprecedented!

I never would have been able to do this without the cheer leading from the gorgeous Amy who helped me focus on the big picture. She is an amazing, kind and giving friend and I can't thank her enough for holding my hand.

I'm well aware from sleep adventures with Bebito that illness, immunisations, teething, separation anxiety will upset this rhythm but I so hope we've turned a corner with this and that we have set some good foundations.

Onwards and upwards!

Things I'm learning from Dr Seuss

2012-01-20T08:46:00.001+10:30

I may have picked a fight with my Mr last night. It's fair to say it wasn't my proudest moment but those moments never are. As usual, there was more at play than the fact he hadn't managed to get to the fruit & veg shop before it closed thanks to his faffing about or that he leaves dirty clothes laying about the house.

I'm trying SO hard to be positive, to get organised so that I can get as much done as I possibly can. To play with, feed, bathe, cuddle and love my boys. To keep our home to some level of cleanliness. To be a good daughter and friend. To somehow eke some time out for my beloved and myself too. I'm realising that doing all of this is actually nigh on impossible, particularly with a baby who sleeps perhaps 90 minutes a day all up. I decided to blog sporadically so I could try to fit it all in but it turns out there are not enough hours in the day for me to achieve what I want to and that I have thoughts I need to process which this space helps me do (as do you all!).

I thought that if I threw myself head long in to trying my best I'd be able to do it all. But....it isn't possible unless I give up some expectations of myself. I've never been good at that.

I'm frustrated about how difficult it is to find time for myself, struggling with the minimum domestic drudgery, worried if Bebito is stimulated enough, sad that I'd rather get an early night than stay up chatting to my Mr. And heavens if I'm not sick of the sad sap I've become. I know that this won't all last forever but it isn't as easy as just SAYING I have to simplify I actually have to do it in my head. And the thing that I need to simplify most are my expectations of myself.

I'm torn between the self talk that says "fake it til you make it" and learning to let go of something (what? How?) along the way. Maybe I'm trying too hard? Then again nothing worth having comes easily right? This is the kind of inner dialogue I have all the time and it's driving me batty. No wonder I picked a fight with my love.

This morning, as I read Dr Seuss books to my boys I realised just how much I have to learn still. I love my kids, my husband, my family and friends, my life very much and I'm grateful for it every day but I am sick of my own company, sick of my own standards and internal dialogue. Maybe, just maybe I need to accept myself as who I am rather than what I can do.

I have no idea what this all means but awareness is surely the first step to making and accepting a new version of myself? And maybe in the meantime I could lighten the heck up?

Xxxx

Image from January Jones Prints

Focusing & simplifying part one

2012-01-14T12:17:00.001+10:30

This year I've resolved to make things more simple in my life & to be focused.

A large part of that will be knowing what I can fit in to my life and what I can't.

Starting from this week I'm scheduling in everything from housework, meal plans, gift buying, activities with both my boys, family time, catch ups with friends and family, time for my little shop & making things, solo time for both Mr and me and heaven forbid, some couple time with the Mr too.

Some of you would rather stick a needle in your eye than be so prescriptive with your daily goings on. I'm under no illusions, this won't be a perfectly executable plan but it's time for me to take control of this little train that has been running downhill fast.

Most likely we will be undertaking the final stages of renovating our house in the next few months too and I'll need some time and energy to devote to project managing that too. These things always need more of "you" than initially planned for.

It will mean that things are likely to be quiet around these parts. I'm not sure I have much to say that's new anyway!

Much love,
Cat

Grateful for: "Modern" baby things

2012-01-08T13:25:00.003+10:30

Playing along for the first time this year with Maxabella and her grateful crew.

In the wee hours of the morn when I'm feeding I often think of the women who are doing the very same thing I am and indeed, all the women who've done the same before me. I'm hardly unique in feeding at 2am after all!

And I was thinking about how much harder it would have been in ye olden days without the modern conveniences we have. So here are some things I'm grateful for having to make my life with a newish baby in the house easier.

1. Washing machine: I don't really need to go into details about this do I? Babies = washing, enough said. This is a Dyson one and no it's not mine but geez it's cool no?

2. Disposable, biodegradeable nappy bags that contain the stinky stink of the toddler nappy in particular.

3. Cool lullabies and mp3 players....so I don't have to sing Hush Little Baby a trillion times as part of the sleep association I'm trying to build. I'm particularly keen on The Cure. They also make me feel somewhat less like stabbing myself with a pencil than when I listen to "kids" music.

4. Baby Bjorn Air - this is the only thing Little Lion will be happy to hang out in of an afternoon.

5. The electric pump!

What modern things are you so very happy you have access to?

It's very exciting that the Grateful crew will be moving along to Kidspot and I'm so looking forward to seeing where it goes, "schmatz" and all as Bron said.

Much love,

Lost & found

2012-01-06T19:44:00.001+10:30

Earlier in the week I lost my wedding ring. I really am not that attached to much materially but I am madly attached to my wedding ring. I cried for half an hour.

The next day I found it in the flour bin. It'd obviously fallen off when I was making pizzas. It's too big and needs resizing but I just haven't gotten around to it yet. I was so relieved to find it again.

My wedding ring is worth about a sixth of what my engagement ring is worth financially yet though I lost my engagement ring months ago I wasn't as impacted by it.

For me, being engaged was a bit like being pregnant. It's all very lovely but the main event is the marriage and the actual raising of a baby/child. In my ideal world these transitional stages wouldn't last very long at all. Maybe 6 weeks?

The thing is that I'm good at the being married or the raising of a child thing. I'm not perfect at them but they mean a lot to me so I try hard to make them work. And my wedding ring is a symbol of that, beginning with the day my Mr and I shared our vows and every crappy or fabulous day in between. I couldn't be who I am without my marriage or my kids. They have helped me find "me" even during those times when I feel stifled by their need of me.

I have finally decided to put a line under the lost ring though and am going to make an insurance claim. The best part about it is I'll get a chance to choose a new ring and I know that it'll mean more to me as it will be chosen by the me who's blessed to have the love of three amazing boys to propel her forward.

So now I just need to find something I genuinely love and would happily look at every day of my life henceforth. What do we think of this one my lovelies? I thought I might ask if it could be made for me in white gold? Though there is something incredibly endearing about the rose gold. I love the handmade look of it. I'd love your suggestions.

Casa be Loverly Recipe: Arancini

2012-01-04T12:36:00.001+10:30

I instagrammed a photo of these arancini the other night and the beautiful, funny & talented Glowless asked me to blog the recipe so without further ado...

You need a good risotto base essentially. The secret to good risotto in my opinion is not stirring constantly though that helps but having good stock and leaving it about 5 minutes underdone, whacking a good knob of butter and Parmesan in, putting the lid on the pot and leaving it to rest off the heat. I'm not going to write out a risotto recipe because Jamie Oliver has a truly kicking one.

We normally make a double lot of risotto and freeze half to make arancini another time which is what we did the other night with a 3 mushroom and basil risotto.

To make the arancini you essentially make up a production line as if you were making schnitzels....

For one serve of risotto ie. 1 cup of uncooked rice I'd do the following:

- a plate of seasoned flour
- 3 eggs, whisked til smooth
- a plate of fresh breadcrumbs - I like adding Parmesan and fresh herbs to this but that's up to you
- some cubed mozzarella - not too big
- you could use some cubed ham if you like, this is quite traditional

Method:
Preheat a frypan with some olive oil to shallow fry on medium heat
With wet hands grab about 2 tablespoons of risotto and shape into a ball, shoving the cube of mozzarella and ham in the middle of the ball as you go
Dip in flour, then egg, then breadcrumbs
Fry for about 5 minutes until golden and rotate around to ensure that the whole "ball" is golden brown
Drain on kitchen paper.

The type of arancini you make is really up to you with the type of risotto you make but if your veggies are chunky I'd recommend chopping them a bit first so they don't protrude from the arancini.

And if you have any leftover flour, egg, breadcrumbs - mix them up and add a dash of milk to them to get a thick pancake batter consistency and fry off tablespoons of that. My Italian Dad does this all the time as little chef's treats and they're delish.

If you give them a run let me know what you think, they're one of my favourite things to cook and eat! ;)

Much love,
Cat
X

Phobias and friendships

2012-01-03T14:27:00.001+10:30

Something the gorgeous Maxabella said in commenting on my post yesterday has had me restless. I really think the things that make you feel uncomfortable are the things you should pay attention to. What she said was that in creating my community in the virtual world I'm missing out on creating some support networks in my physical world.

If I'm honest I must admit that often I'm quite lonely and days go by when the only people I speak to are those in my four walls. As good a conversationalist as Bebito is he's but 3 and well, a little focused on himself! ;)

I went to a Mother's group & made a friend from there who lives nearby and our boys adore one another so we catch up regularly but she plays her cards very close to her chest - something I clearly do not!

I tried playgroup a few times but stopped going when the weather got inclement & I felt very much the outsider. Sometimes I wish it were socially acceptable to just walk up to someone you like the look of and say, "hi, those are pretty shoes, want to be my friend?" The other thing is that I don't drive so am limited in locations I can get to. The driving thing is a bit of a phobia now and one I need help to get the hell over. I have taken lessons and failed the test twice. I'm incredibly nervous in a car. I see it as a loaded gun style weapon in my hands. But again, if I'm honest I think it's holding me back from enjoying my life with the boys. It'll become even more important as the Bebito will start kindy later in the year and all the local kindy's are not on public transport routes. And when I'm even more honest it makes me feel like a bit of a shit mum not to be able to take Bebito to a play cafe or similar if the weather is a bit yuck.

So, I'm making myself accountable here - by my birthday in mid-May I want to be driving.

I think I need myself a better physical support network and think that driving will help more to find this. Clearly I don't expect to drive the streets and make more friends by passing random women but perhaps the isolation won't feel so all encompassing some days. Don't get me wrong, it's not like we never leave the house as we most certainly do but perhaps not as much as the social version of myself & my super social Bebito would like.

So the issues here are two fold ... If you have advice on getting over a huge phobia or if you have thoughts on how you created a support network for yourself I'd love to hear your thoughts.

Much love,
Cat

Musings for 2012

2012-01-02T13:45:00.001+10:30

I'm not one for "resolutions" as such but I do like the idea of fresh starts very much. I don't have to wait for a new year to make a fresh start but it always seems like such a good time to do that.

I blogged last year about how I want to make my life, our lives as a family more simple and focused and I know that is what we need so I'll be devoting energy to being organised, spending time doing what is important and trying like hell to not sweat the small stuff.

As I'm making my way through the newborn baby haze I wonder about the sense of village that once worked together in support of raising children. My Mr is very supportive of me and any decisions we make and he's trying hard to be home as much as he can to help with the boys, my Mum can help a bit but the reality of my life is that I'm mainly in this day to day Mama thing on my own and without a lot of physical support. My close friends either work full-time, have children of their own and juggle that with part-time work or live on the other side of the world. And so I have found a sense of community online in ways I never dreamed I would. Some of whom I now consider to be good friends even though we have never met. Part of me thinks that the energy I invest here should be channeled to other things and just maybe that's the right thing though for the moment I'm not sure.

The thing that comes with a very hungry baby is too much time with my own thoughts. I have so very much floating about in my head, so much to work through in order to be the best version of myself I can be. I have dreams I am working towards achieving and new dreams bubbling away. There are things I want to say but don't know how and many others that I need to work through in order to accept them for what they are. There's a lot going on in my head in a very jumbled way.

As a person who is validated by achieving "things" and having things in order I find the baby phase of parenting hard to relax in to. I'm not getting much much achieved beyond feeding Little Lion and trying my best to keep Bebito occupied and happy. When both my smalls are tucked up in bed for the night I find myself physically and emotionally exhausted. I have very little left for myself to work towards achieving my dreams. I know from having been here before that this phase doesn't last forever and I need to ride it out. I will look back and miss hearing Little Lion's breath slow down as he gets ready for sleep. The days sure do seem long when all the baby does is feed, fuss and scream but these little ones don't stay babies for long in the scheme of things.

I'm certain these beautiful sons of mine have been sent my way to remind me to slow down and stop the internal dialogue that tells me I need to have everything in perfect order in order to be a good mum or wife. They all love me just as much if the floor has been mopped or not. I'm doing my best to let that all go within reasonable limits. It has also occurred to me that maybe the imperfections will teach us all some valuable lessons and allow for well, fun!

All of this is a very long winded way of saying I can see that things are changing for our little foursome and it will be fascinating to see where this year takes us. I am really very open to all manner of possibilities and really hope that I can embrace the impossible a little too.

Thank you for being part of my journey in the past - for your words of encouragement, empathy, wisdom and for telling me like it is when I needed to hear that too. I'm looking forward to seeing what the year brings us all.

Much love,
Cat.

Image creditwork is not a job blog

Two months

2011-12-18T10:15:00.001+10:30

Happy 2 months my Little Lion!

You're growing SO fast. I've had to pack away all the newborn clothes which made her a little sad. Your sleep is still erratic but luckily your big brother trained us well for such capers. You're starting to laugh and chat to us which has me a little "scared" as I think you'll be a chatterbox too! My most favourite thing you do is that you give me a huge smile, with wide open eyes immediately before falling asleep. Your big brother has taken to calling you, "my little mate" & you already follow him with your gaze more than you do anyone else. It is a joy to have you in our lives little one!

Love,
Mama.

In which I am called, "the world's worst mother"

2011-12-16T21:22:00.001+10:30

I took both my boys to the shops two days in a row. That doesn't sound remarkable really but given I don't drive and that I'm still hobbling a little with the knee situation and that my stomach still hurts post c-section and pregnancy it actually is kind of a big deal.

What was an even bigger deal though was that I was abused on both occasions by fellow mothers.

Thursday saw us on the train to our local shopping centre. I decided to try to wear the Bebito out by allowing him to walk alongside me & the Little Lion in his pram. He did well, better than I anticipated, during the whole trip. The issue came when we disembarked from the train and I picked Bebito up and placed him on the platform so he didn't fall in the gap, giving him a stern warning to stay right where he was. I then backed off the train with Little Lion. A mother who got off at the same stop proceeded to give me a rather loud lecture about how I shouldn't leave my child abandoned on the platform and that I should take better care of my kids. Right you are lady! I was in a rather chipper mood so just smiled at her and thanked her for her advice in my most sickly sweet voice.

Today, we braved a visit to Father Christmas with my Mum at her local shopping centre. I was hesitant about this cos um, my mum lives in bogan central and I hate her shops but she was keen to run a few errands at the shops too so I acquiesced. I was doubly hesitant as visits to Father Christmas have been less than successful in the past. As we entered the centre the Bebito ran ahead of mum and I. The kid is a 3 year old boy after all and he loves to run so we usually allow him to run a little ahead and call out to him to stop regularly for us to catch up to him. This works 98% of the time. Today though, as we called out for him to stop a woman, her daughter and a less than year old grandson pulled out with their trolley and almost hit Bebito. The woman then proceeded to yell at me, "this is a shopping centre hold his bloody hand. You're clearly the worst mother ever, you stupid cow!" It could have been that I've had about 4 hours broken sleep a night for the past week, it could have been that she called me a bad mum, it could have been that the baby was unsettled and hadn't slept since 5am, it could have been my anxiety about the trip to begin with, it could have been that my child was just being a 3 year old and she had no empathy for that, it could have been that she called me stupid and I suspect that it was a combination of all of these things but I got REALLY MAD. I don't actually get mad very often. Hurt, yes but mad not much. So as she sauntered off on her high horse I quipped back in my most sarcastic tone, "thank you for your Christmas spirit, I wish you and your family every happiness at this lovely time of year!" At which point she stopped and started swearing like a trooper at me. I grinned wildly back as I gritted my teeth and replied, "so much for my "bad" parenting, I don't swear in front of my children but you've just taught mine several lovely new words." My Mum who's the least confrontational person who ever walked insisted we leave at this point. I was so angered by this encounter that it took me most of the day to calm down.

I've been thinking about why it made me so mad and I think at heart it is the complete lack of empathy and snap judgements these women made. Ultimately, I'm not a perfect person nor am I the perfect mama but damn it if I don't try my hardest to be the best I can be. I am happy to receive criticism and use it as a means to self reflect and make changes sometimes too but there was nothing remotely constructive about the way these women approached me. They just wanted to yell / vent / tell me how shit I am and move on with their judgey McJudgey lives. How is that helpful to anyone? When I see a Mum struggling with her smalls I smile a knowing smile or offer assistance, I don't yell at them. These women are the reason so many Mum's would rather not brave outings with their children in tow...there's little acceptance or tolerance of children in so many public situations, especially exuberant and curious children like Bebito. I'm not saying there should be a licence for them to misbehave but so what if he runs a little and he's loud as he asks a billion questions.

And....don't even get me started on how little the true meaning of Christmas seems to be of value to people such as these. I'm not in the slightest bit religious but I really do value the message of love and acceptance that should prevail at this time of year.

Have you ever been abused by a complete stranger? How did you deal with it?

On Being Organised

2011-12-13T11:07:00.001+10:30

Kikki k diary that I have my eye on for next year ;)

Amongst people who know me in real life I have a reputation for being organised. It wasn't always so, in fact at heart I'm a massive procrastinator but I'm also at heart a person who doesn't cope well with stress. I get extremely anxious with things hanging over my head. Some years ago I realised that the way to stop that anxiety was to think ahead and well, get organised. It means I meal plan, I cook dinner most days well before lunch is even contemplated, I plan out chores and social activities, I buy gifts months in advance and have boxes set aside for stashing presents. I have also found that when I know what adventures the Bebito and I will embark on during the week my ability to keep him occupied, tantrum free and stimulated increases ten fold. I've found that being this way is the only way I can manage both my babes now - even if the plan is to have a chill out day eating popcorn, watching Octonauts DVDs and reading books. Don't get me wrong I don't plan things to within an inch of their life but I find a rough plan of attack really helps alleviate the stress in my head! And like everything I think it's about balance, I leave weekends largely to spontaneity as we enjoy as much family time as possible.

Don't get me wrong, I'm a complete organizational disaster in some ways...my wardrobe is constantly in disarray, my study cupboards have doors for a reason and don't ever open my tupperware drawer! ;)

I'd love to know your best tips on being organised. Or are you more of a wing it and see type?

Dear 2011..subtitled "Accept it and Move On"

2011-12-07T09:49:00.001+10:30

So 2011 has kind of passed the grade. There have been some full on challenges - ideas about mortality, some significant stresses but it's brought some wondrous things too. I strolled the streets of Paris holding hands with my beloved for the first time, I celebrated my best friend's wedding in the best possible style, I sat in THE Mark Rothko room at the Tate Modern, I made sure that my Mum knew how much I love her and if possible, our bond has deepened, I celebrated my 10th wedding anniversary, watched my baby grow into a little boy, I grew a beautiful new little boy and he's now a special addition to our family. I made some wonderful new friends and let go of some old toxic ones. I grew my little shop a little more and continued on my creative journey. I didn't achieve everything I wanted to but I never expected to and there has been some heavy shite happen. I have done my best to live through it as gracefully as I could though I've not always achieved that and MAN have I whinged! It's getting tedious to hear my own thoughts and I'm sure it's not interesting reading either.

So I'd like to call 2011 the year of "accept it and move on" and that's what I am going to spend the last 25 or so days doing. I can't hold on to the churning, negative thoughts anymore. On NYE I'm going to write a little note, pop it in a balloon and let the darn thing go as a way of releasing it all.

And to 2012 I think I'm going to call you the year of "Focus and Simplicity"...I really feel this pull towards making life a bit less complex, focusing on what I really want to do, who I want to spend the time with and loving and living more simply. I can't promise no whining but geez, I hope I do less of it. And hell, I have these two gorgeous little souls to help me keep it real.

I'm not too sure how much I'll post in the next few weeks - I'm not too sure how often I'll post in 2012 either. Thank you all for stopping by my little blog, for all your kind words and comments, for all your tweets during the heaviest times. I can't tell you how much I appreciate it and how it's helped keep me together. Thank you especially to my little village of people - you know who you are - you are my kindred and I love you, truly.

So if I don't stop back here again before, please accept my most heartfelt wishes to you for real happiness during the festive season, may it be full of love and non-crotchety family times and a lot of food, drink and merriment.

Much love,

Just keep swimming

2011-12-01T13:18:00.001+10:30

It seems my offspring are not particularly keen on sleep. I'm off to "sleep school" next week with Little Lion and started keeping a diary this morning of what he "did". Here it is...

1am ebm 100mls - 30 mins to settle
3.30am 10 min bf straight to sleep
6am 5 min bf straight to sleep
7am 40 min bf
830 sleep - arms to cradle
0840 awake - feed 40 mins
0940 - asleep in arms then to cot awake in 2 mins
1020 - asleep in pram
1040 - woke
1100 - 20 min feed
1215 - asleep arms to cot

Bebito woke at 6am and I gave him his breakfast at 7am and I downed a quick macchiato. The Mr had already left for a field trip at that stage.

At 930 my blessed Mum arrived and I had a shower. She made dinner whilst I did my best to juggle both boys and she tried to rock Little Lion to sleep. Note that I didn't actually eat anything or use the bathroom cos well, I forgot!

I'm absolutely and a gazillion percent exhausted. I am in no way feeling like I know what I'm doing. I won't always feel this way I know.

And so, here I am, I've stolen an hour and I've come down to the pub at the end of our street. My first solo time in 7 weeks....and I may just have sobbed the whole way here.

Just keep swimming ....

The world through Bebito's eyes

2011-11-30T15:59:00.001+10:30

As often as is possible I strap Little Lion in to his sling or carrier and get outside with Bebito. My knee still isn't great enough to walk far but we have a good sized yard and this morning I had an idea, so I got to writing a list of things that I knew we'd find in the backyard and got Bebito to take photos of them as we "adventured" through the back and front yard looking for them. I added clouds and a train to the list after this (we can see trains go past in our front yard).

And here are the results....

a white flower

the letterbox

Clouds

Cactus

Taps

There's an ant here somewhere I promise! :)

It was really very good fun to do this and I loved seeing the world through his eyes a little. I'm going to print the pictures and pop it all in his journal which we've just started doing.

What cool things have you been up to lately?

Things I'm Learning: Overheard Conversations

2011-11-28T22:57:00.001+10:30

We stopped at the supermarket for a few items over the weekend and I sat in the car, window open, feeding Little Lion (who by the way fed almost around the clock on the weekend!). As we arrived at the large-ish carpark we saw that three cars had been involved in an accident but paid not too close attention beyond fielding 100 questions from Bebito about why.

Though mostly working class, we live in a really mixed demographic area and our local shops can prove very interesting. This trip proved interesting in a different way.

A couple in their 50s stopped to gawk at the accident (why do people do that?) and I overhead this,

Woman: "oh, that's (insert woman's name)"
Man: "really?"
Woman: "oh yes and she's just lost her husband the poor woman. And now she's had a terrible accident. Maybe we should go over there and see if she's ok?"
Man: "do you think?"
Woman; "I don't know, what do you think?
Man starts walking towards the scene
Woman: "wait, maybe we shouldn't interfere!"
Man walks back: "oh ok"
Woman: "I think she really needs a friend now"
Man: "ok then, shall we go?"
They walk away.

I was utterly shocked at this conversation. How could they know this lady who had recently had her husband pass away and leave her to her own devices? What kind of a person would do that? How lacking in empathy were these people? It sat with me for days and I just can't let it go.

We never know how we will react to a situation until it presents itself. To turn your back because you don't want to get involved or because you don't know how to deal or what to say. I, for one, would rather get in trouble for trying to help in some way and offering support and assistance, for saying too much rather than not enough.

As it turned out an ambulance arrived and took this lady away.

As I sat and reflected on this overheard conversation and this poor woman's current lot in life, I kissed my boy and remembered how important it is to live by example. I am resolved to teach my boys to take care of those around them. To live with empathy and care for others and never, ever to walk away from someone who needs help.

Recipe Tuesday: Crispy pumpkin gnocchi

2011-11-22T03:27:00.001+10:30

We are on a serious frugality drive at the moment so when we were gifted a bunch of fresh veggies from a friend's garden last week we did a happy dance, especially as the veggies gifted are different to the ones in our garden. Amongst the haul was a young pumpkin so I've whipped up a batch of pumpkin gnocchi and will be serving it tonight with a smashed broad bean (also in the haul), brown butter and tarragon (in our garden) sauce.

I love gnocchi of any kind and though it can sometimes feel a bit fiddly to prepare, if you stage it out like I did it doesn't feel like such a chore.

My recipe is an adaptation of a Donna Hay one I've used for years.

I'm actually not a mad keen pumpkin fan and nor is Bebito but this is always a hit.

You need:
1kg pumpkin, peeled and diced
4 potatoes, peeled and diced
Olive oil
Salt
A good knob of butter
1 and a quarter cups plain flour
Egg yolk
Flour for dusting

To make:
Preheat oven to around 170.
Place pumpkin and potato on a baking tray, drizzle with olive oil & salt and bake for around 40 mins until soft. (I did this Sunday night)
Purée the pumpkin and potato with your choice of kitchen blender-y tool.
Place purée in a saucepan and heat until the mixture feels "drier" & add a good knob of butter. Cool. It can be left in the fridge at this stage (I did this yesterday morning.
Add sifted flour and egg to purée and mix well. I find doing it by hand works best.
Roll out small portions of dough into sausage shapes on bench dusted with flour then chop into small pieces. I like mine about 2cm long but it doesn't matter so long as the size is fairly consistent throughout.
Place in fridge until you're ready to cook them (I did this last night and placed them in a covered container on baking paper in the fridge).
Preheat oven again to about 160.
Bring large pot of salted water to the boil. Carefully drop the gnocchi in and give a quick stir so they don't stick together or to the bottom of pan. They're ready when they float to the top which usually happens within a few minutes.
remove cooked gnocchi with a slotted spoon and place in a lightly greased oven proof dish.
When all the gnocchi is cooked pop in the oven to crisp up on the outside, maybe 5-10 mins depending how much water is in the pan inadvertently. This isn't a usual step for gnocchi but the crispy outside & soft centre is something we all like, particularly Bebito.

Serve with a simple sauce. I like it just with butter and Parmesan best but always try to get as many veggies in a meal as possible so often serve with broccolini and chilli or wilted spinach and mushrooms with a dash of cream. Whatever sauce, Parmesan is a must in my opinion!

Lusting after: Oliver Jeffers jewellery

2011-11-21T11:55:00.001+10:30

I love jewellery (I love scarves and shoes too) but I'm a bit of a fuss pants about it. I have fairly simple and contemporary tastes but I also like to work a bit of whimsy into my outfit in the accessories I choose, especially because my wardrobe tends to the monochromatic. So when I spied these supremely awesome pieces - a collaboration between Oliver Jeffers (children's author extraordinaire who I've discussed several times here already!) and Digby & Iona my heart skipped a beat! Based on the cute little characters (the penguin is my favourite) in his books the jewellery is maybe a little too nice to gift to smalls! Santa, please take note! ;)

I totally want the penguin necklace!!

Little Lion - 1 month

2011-11-17T08:32:00.001+10:30

Hardly an original idea but I'll be taking a monthly photo of Little Lion in the same spot - a gorgeous Cocoon Couture beanbag - each month.

My little shop: Tis the season

2011-11-16T14:34:00.001+10:30

Lovelies,

Just a note to say that I'm offering free shipping on orders received in my little shop if you place an order before November 25th.

There are a bunch of pre-existing designs available - as I'm sure you can see in the photo reel to the side but I adore doing custom pieces in particular and pop those up on the Facebook page which you can find here if you'd like to check it out!

Just quietly, two of my favourite pieces are the handprints and the embroidered kids art work which I'm making for all the Grandparents around these parts.

Much love,

Mama guilt

2011-11-16T13:20:00.001+10:30

The little boy above has really been the sole focus of my life for the last 3 years. Almost everything I do revolves around making life as a family run more smoothly and for us all to be the individual people we are too. People remark how clever he is, how well mannered, how funny and delightful he is and I know that a great deal of that is just who he is but I also know it's because I've put the time in to allowing him to develop all those attributes that he is able to be that secure and grounded little person. It's important to the Mr and I that he had that opportunity. And don't get me wrong I haven't done that in isolation, the Mr has had just as much influence on him, as has my Mum. Between the three of us we have done a good "job" with him so far. It wasn't always easy. Consistency is hard when you're tired and sometimes it would have been easier to shove on a DVD than get a craft project going or taking him to the playground. Not that I've been above putting a DVD on but it's just not an all the time thing around here. For people who had no idea about raising children "Team Bebito" have done ok so far.

Before Little Lion was born the two things I was most worried about were how I'd balance a baby and a very enthusiastic 3 year old and how Bebito himself would adjust to the presence of his little brother. Just as some of my gorgeous tweeps said (yes you Amy and Ms K!) I needn't have worried about how Bebito reacted to the arrival of his brother. He's been loving, helpful, watchful and enthusiastic to say the least. Turns out though that I was right to worry about the juggle of everything. It is early days of course but working out how I can pay attention to both my boys in equal measure has me flummoxed, especially with Little Lion's questionable day sleep habits. The guilt I feel over this is absolutely unparalleled. When I have the baby screaming in my arms and Bebito is begging me to come do a puzzle I have no idea which way to turn. I feel guilty that Little Lion isn't get my undivided attention and I feel equally as guilty that Bebito, who is used to having me ask him to wait hears that phrase about 30 times a day now. He didn't ask that a little brother be born into his life after all. My lack of mobility with the knee situation isn't really helping either.

For now my solution is to have Bebito spend one day a week with his Grandma and for the Mr to do some very fun one-on-one things with him on a weekend and whenever possible for me to read his bedtime stories to him. That way both boys get some special time. In the new year I'm going to look at a pre-school for him (in SA children don't have to do pre-school, they start pre-entry for kindy at 3 & three quarters) too as I think the regular (rather than sporadic) company of children his age is something he is going to love.

I logically know that all of this is normal and we will work through it but since when did logic override Mama guilt anyways?

So to you Mama's of more experience than I, I'd love to know how you worked through this time with a new baby and a 1st born!

Note(s) to self

2011-11-11T12:14:00.001+10:30

Dear self,

Here are some things I think you need to remember ....

You're a control freak and you like being in charge of things, knowing what is happening and being as prepared as possible for any eventuality.

You live with and love 3 boys who have been delivered into your life and they mean that you just well, have to let go of things. Resistance is, well, futile. It'd be nice if you could perhaps just relax into things and use the few years when your small boys remain small to learn how to deal with that which you can't control

You HAVE to eat!

You do not have to be superwoman!

You will one day be a bit more in control of your own body and self again

It is totally not your fault that you have no idea why the baby is crying after you've gone through the hungry/dirty/cold/hot/windy checklist

You and the Mr will one day be a duo again but you will NEVER stop being a Mama

You will one day be able to wander the stores, go to a movie and plan out which Festival shows you'll go to unencumbered but that day is not now. Accept it and move on lady!

Your house is not big enough, fancy enough or "finished" enough for it to be what you dreamed of having but it is a home filled with love and laughter and that is more than you could ever have imagined

Food will always be a way to show your family love

People will always disappoint you. You can't control that either but you can control how you react to the disappointment and you can make sure you are the kind of person who does what they promise and acts with grace and integrity.

Ring your Mum every day and tell her you love her. No one else tells her and without her you'd be a bit screwed!

Rest is not for the weak! Grab it when you can!

Remember to read this post to remind yourself of all these things.

Sincerely,
Me

Taking a break

2011-10-24T13:39:00.001+10:30

Life's a haze of breastmilk, washing, welcoming visitors, sleep deprivation, adjusting to a new world order and desperately trying to remain positive. Wiping away tears is the Mr's job at the moment and I'm leaning heavily on him. We had a cozy little cocoon our family of three and it's a huge shift to welcome our Little Lion into the fold and work through different roles than what we are used to playing. And so it's time I took a break from this space. Not sure when I'll be back. Thanks for all your kind words re the last post - both here and on twitter, it helps to share and to have your wonderful advice.

Much love,
Cat.
Xxxxxx

Little Lion's Birth Story

2011-10-20T19:57:00.001+10:30

So far as I was prepared for, tonight was to be my last night as a Mama of one...the c-section was booked for 9am tomorrow morning. But, the best laid plans no?

Earlier in the week I promised to share Little Lion's birth story. I suggest you get a coffee or tea and make yourself comfy cos I think it'll be a lengthy story ....

After I fractured my knee a few weeks ago I was experiencing Braxton Hicks every night, some times for three hours but with heat packs and pain killers the pain went away. Last Wednesday night though the contractions started at 11pm and kept getting more intense and frequent and I slept about an hour all night. I'd seen the anaesthetist earlier that day and knew that most likely, thanks to the blood thinners I am on I'd have a higher risk birth and was already a bit scared.

At about 7.30am I sent a dear friend a text and asked how she knew she was in labour and at what point she rang the hospital. She encouraged me to call the hospital and ask as that is their "job". So at 8am I did that and kept timing my contractions. The midwife encouraged me to come in so we packed up the Bebito, a new sticker book and drove off. There was quite the wait at the hospital and it was around an hour before I saw a midwife.

The midwife confirmed really quickly I was 3cm dilated and Little Lion was fully engaged. Hmm! The OB came in and asked again if I was sure I didn't want to try a natural birth and every inch of my being screamed "no" at me. I have learned to trust that instinct when it screams so loudly at me and I'm sure glad I did. The initial section was booked as the OB I had last time believed I couldn't birth naturally because of the size and shape of my pelvis, something that proved true for both my boys as Bebito was literally "stuck" in place and so was Little Lion but there was to be much more of concern with my second little love. My knee was a further concern and I wasn't willing to risk it any further. A c-section was the right thing and I knew it.

As I was prepped for surgery Mr dropped Bebito off to Grandma's and hurried back as quickly as he could. In the meantime, the anaesthetist came and explained that the risk to me was too high and a general anaesthetic would be necessary. I was quite upset by this and as I was on my own the lovely anaesthetist held my hand as I sobbed with disappointment. She then promised to take special care of me and told me I'd have to be brave. I had loads of questions of course, how would it effect the Little Lion? Could Mr be there? How long til I was awake and could see my baby?

At that stage, still waiting for the Mr to return, I began to shake uncontrollably as happens to me when I'm scared witless and full of adrenalin.

The Mr arrived back and agreed he'd come in when Little Lion arrived and that he'd cut his umbilical cord and do all the usual things. I'm so glad he agreed and one of us was conscious for the arrival of our second son.

I was wheeled up to surgery, Mr put on his scrubs and a cast of thousands introduced themselves. It was incredibly overwhelming - much more so because Mr wasn't there holding my hand and because there were WAY more people this time. I was given oxygen, told to open my eyes as wide as I could and breathe deeply. I did and the next thing I knew I was in recovery.

When I came to I know I drove the nurse nuts with all my questions - how was Little Lion? Was his apgar ok? How was Mr? How did the surgery go? And much more besides! That was until the Mr came up with the Little Lion in his crib and I sobbed uncontrollably. He is an incredibly beautiful and alert baby. I nestled him in for a cuddle and a feed and he latched on immediately. I cried even more at that point. I was so worried about feeding and it had proven so difficult with Bebito I knew I wouldn't have time to be as tenacious this time around. That was one less thing to worry about.

It turned out the Mr and Little Lion got to bond together in the nursery after the Paediatrician attended to Little Lion for a while though the Mr never was told why at that point.

We spent a quiet night together smiling, crying and bonding whilst I was medicated to my eye balls and I slept very little as I snuggled my little boy very tight indeed.

The OB came to see me the next day and said the choice to have a c-section was for the best. Little Lion was in fact was wedged in place like Bebito had been, he'd also swallowed meconium, I had lost almost a litre of blood and during the surgery my uterus wall ruptured. They gave me a transfusion immediately but the surgery had been far more complicated than anticipated. It seems I am incredibly lucky to have come out of it injured yet well, still here and that my Little Lion is so healthy.

When they took follow up blood tests I was/am severely anaemic and was given a bucket load of iron and vitamin c.

Follow up visits from the OB brought all of this home and she pressed upon me the fact that there is very little chance I could have any more babies. I'm not sure I want to have more babies but I'd never discounted it and to have the choice taken away is a shock to the system.

I'm still not totally accepting of all of this. It hasn't sunk in properly.

The hospital stay itself wasn't pleasant either with the midwives totally stretched and me being expected to conform to their recovery protocols whilst being left very much to my own devices, even when in pain. I've had a baby in both the private and public systems now and know which I prefer vastly, especially with a birth of any complexity. Not that the staff don't do their best and I have nothing but admiration for them but the level of care was chalk and cheese.

At the end of the day though, I have always said the focus for me is a healthy baby and a healthy me and I have never meant it more.

Things I'd forgotten about babies

2011-10-17T02:38:00.001+10:30

As I've gazed at my new little man over the last few nights I've remembered a number of things I'd forgotten since the Bebito was a baby about well, what babies are like

• the little snuggly "eh eh eh" noises babies make as they drift off to sleep
• the "contractions" Mama's get when feeding babies post birth
• the gummy sound babies make when they're hungry
• that even though they cry there are no actual tears as yet
• how huge newborn nappies end up being (on my fairly small babies anyway!)
• how they roll about so much when you're trying to dress them but that you can use that rolling to your advantage as you dress them!
• just how teeny newborn
babies are!
• how thirsty and hungry I get when breastfeeding - oh boy!
• THAT newborn smell is real! & that it brings with it floods of memories
• That as a Mama I find myself instinctively patting his bottom when he's unsettled
• the little cross-eyed look they get - sooo cute!
• how important it is to stay relaxed & trust your instincts with feeding. I resolved to be more relaxed and let Little Lion nuzzle around and guide himself with feeding as much as I could. It's worked better than I could have imagined and it seems we have a great mama/son feeding groove going on. I've ignored the advice that doesn't sit well very quickly & taken on the advice that has made sense very quickly
• people offer opinions re the name you choose and nodding and smiling is required even though you'd like to punch them
• that they hate having their nappy changed cos it's too cold (totally understand!)
• that I'd be happy to carry him for days and he'd be happy to be carried for days, except with my knee and c-section make that impossible to do
• how small newborn clothes are and just how much wee & runny poo can be absorbed in said clothes
• how sticky meconium is
• how captivating watching a new baby can be. I'm not really a "baby person". I like them but am not the type to coo over other people's babies BUT I can spend days staring at my babies, absorbing each element about them. Little Lion has quite flat ears, especially at the top where they fold over!

I'm sure I'll have lots of those, "oh I'd forgotten about that" moments. Such a thrill to have a whole new little one to share life with.

If you have more than one babe what did you forget in between their arrival?

Introducing ....

2011-10-16T19:23:00.001+10:30

The Little Lion

He was born last Thursday at 1546 weighing in at 3.24 kilos & 50cm long.

He is doing wonderfully! Feeding excellently, sleeping and settling well to date and ensuring that anyone who meets him is captured by his spell.

There is MUCH to say about how he arrived in the world and it is going to take me a while to process, accept and move on. I will share in due course but will focus on enjoying every moment with this wondrous little soul.

Remembering

2011-10-08T09:20:00.001+10:30

It's been nine years since my much beloved Grandpa (Deda) passed away. Anniversaries are still hard as I watch my Bako and see how her grief has made her a shell of her former strong, tenacious, spirited self and my Mum as she guilts herself out of feeling grief over the loss of her Dad in light of the all consuming grief she lives with in the form of her Mum.

There are few times in my life I've been totally clueless about how to deal but the time following my Deda's passing was most certainly one.

I miss him every day still - his wicked sense of humour, his bursting into song for no reason, his unconditional love, his hugs and his guidance throughout my life. He was more of a father to me than my Dad is.

When we gave the Bebito his name as a middle name we had no idea just how alike these two souls would be. There's no doubt they would have adored one another and it makes me sad they never had the opportunity to meet each other.

So, today I will shed a tear or ten and smile at the memories I have of this ordinary man who was extraordinary to me.

Random observations about the last week of my life

2011-10-05T14:33:00.001+10:30

When shit happens there are some people who reliably pull through for me
When shit happens there are people who reliably let me down
When shit happens there are people who will still make it totally about them
I would be totally and utterly stuffed without the help of my Mum
That Bebito is very much in tune with me and my feelings - more than I ever anticipated
That Bebito is really an incredibly well-mannered & mostly "obedient" little boy
That the younger nurses and Dr's are often the nicest ones as they are not jaded by the jobs they do
That iPhones are a life savour for bored, pregnant women who are stuck in bed
That the wardrobe items I lack are the ones I need at this moment (nighties and shorts!)
That there aren't many women who break a leg/knee when 36 weeks pregnant so I'm proving to be an interesting case
That in hospital and health care situations you have to be your own advocate. No one really looks at you as a "whole" but just at their component part for which they are qualified
That time to think isn't always as scary as I think it will be
That sometimes I have to have a mini-tantie to get what I need.
That being nice overall gets you the private room with the nice view and the pet kookaburras
That hospitals aren't actually that good for rest!
That Braxton Hicks can last for hours and hurt like hell and often the only way to tell if it's not labour is for one of those "delightful" examinations
That decent coffee is not available at this hospital
That twitter and this little blog make me feel connected to the real world

Oh, the drama! ....

2011-10-03T15:49:00.001+10:30

So the last few days have been really kind of umm, well, odd. For those of you who play along on twitter you'll know the story already ...

Friday morning, as I was putting dinner in the oven my knee buckled out from under me and I collapsed on the kitchen floor. Luckily, the Mr was still home and ran in upon my rather loud scream. As I fell I did everything in my power to protect Little Lion and landed full on my tailbone and knee.

Fast forward several hours to emergency at the maternity hospital and I'm experiencing wild cramping in my belly and I'm a tad spooked. The Lion however was (and still is!) fighting fit and happy. The pain however was not so nice ... They gave me meds which I of course had a violent reaction to and I spent the next few hours throwing up. Suffice to say I was admitted that night. Fluids, medication etc and a woeful night's sleep.

Fast forward to morning...ultrasound shows happy baby around 2.4kg at 36 weeks + 1. Yay!

And then I sit around and wait for an xray on my increasingly sore knee. I wait pretty much all day until I chuck a mini-tanty and finally get an xray at around 6pm. Within half an hour the tech comes to see me with an OB. Is most likely that I have a fractured knee but there's too much fluid to tell for 100% sure. Treatment plan is discussed & a physio is to visit in the morning.

Awful night's sleep....

Fast forward again, physio comes and advises how to move safely, where to sit etc. Gives me a cool cushion & says I should be able to go home today (Sunday). Fast forward, more cramping, more throwing up, more medication, more CTG's. Repeat.

Ortho rings OB who stops in to see me & says they're organising a splint & I will have to keep all weight off my broken knee. Splint fitted. Panic cos I don't wear nighties and don't fancy getting around in my undies but I can't wear pants with splint. Tell self to stop being so vain! Told to await crutches in the morning.

Another woeful night's sleep.

Same physio visits & apologises for giving me wrong advice day before. I tell her not to be silly. She fits me for crutches which she then insists I try to use in front of her. She laughs and tells me I'm at risk of breaking my other leg and brings down a contraption of a walker that has to be seen to be believed.

Fast forward again and OB stops by to check on me, give me stronger meds and to say because is a public holiday ortho won't visit til the morning. Oh, and that my knee will take 6 weeks to heal.

So here I am, laying in a hospital bed wondering how on earth I am going to manage a newborn, a toddler, a c-section and a broken knee! I won't be getting through without a lot of help from my loved ones that's for sure - especially Mr and Mum.

And here are a selection of photos from the last few days for your "enjoyment"!

Thanks to everyone who's kept me company and wished me well over the last couple of days. It has meant the world to me.

I have no idea what happens from here but the longer I'm here the less likely I think I am to go home any time soon.

Much love,
Cat

Dear Little Lion...

2011-09-28T18:15:00.001+09:30

Dear Little Lion,

It seems I have spent a lot of time expressing my worries about your impending arrival. It's well worth you knowing up front your Mama is more than slightly neurotic and also well, a bit of a control freak...oh and that she finds it hard to stick to the point!

I thought I'd let you know a few things about what I'm looking forward to!

• I'm so looking forward to seeing you for the first time - locking eyes with you and getting an understanding of the kind of person you are.
• I wonder if you'll be tall and thin like I'm anticipating or you'll be very different from your brother almost immediately?
• I wonder what colour eyes you will have and how much hair you will have?
• I can't wait to see your Dada totally enamoured with you the way he was with your brother. He will love and work hard for you forever, I promise!
• I can't wait to snuggle you the first night we are left alone in the hospital together. Drinking in your smell, kissing the top of your head.
• I can't wait to see the look of awe I know your big brother will have when he spies you and I know he will have a trillion questions.
• I can't wait to say your name aloud rather than just in my head.
• I look forward to the time when you being part of our everyday life is not at all unusual and though I will love having your Dada home in the beginning I know I'll be anxious to get on with things and establish a routine with you and your brother.
• I look forward to going on adventures together. You will love our neighbourhood - we have the beach only a 2 blocks away and a great playground and walking tracks that we will all explore together, well before you really understand how cool all that stuff is.
• I can't wait to read and sing to you and learn what you like and respond well to.
• I really look forward to our late night snuggle sessions.
• I look forward to hearing your voice, the way in which you cry and express yourself too.
• I look forward to cooing over the beautiful clothes you have and enjoying your smallness more than I did with your brother.
• I'm really looking forward to just, well, getting to know YOU!

Much love,
Your Mama.
Xxxx

Ps. The painting above is a photo I took when we were in Paris & is a Renoir that made me cry with the tenderness it captures.

Bloggy stuff: the stats, finding new blogs & what not

2011-09-28T14:08:00.002+09:30

Image totally unrelated to the text but is Hermione Granger necklace by Da Rosa that I've been eyeing off for ages!

I've never cared a jot for the statistics associated with blogging or tweeting or facebooking. I don't blog for anyone other than myself....as a means of self expression and working through my own well, crapola. As many bloggers say, it's cheaper than therapy.

Sometimes I get lots of comments on a post I'm not expecting to and other times things I think will provoke conversation don't. I can't tell you how much support I feel through the community of people I've met online. I heard a stat (on the Gruen Transfer maybe?) that said we have three times as many online friends as we do "real life" friends. This is definitely true for me. And the friendships are genuine, the support real, the advice needed and sought after.

I've mentioned before that I don't tell many people I know in real life that I blog. I know it'd make me self conscious about what I write and that a lot of people wouldn't understand why I feel compelled to write here.

In the beginning I read way more blogs than I do now...I went through the blog rolls of people whose blogs I admired and found new people to connect with. With things being lots more hectic in the last year I've not sought out too many new blogs - keeping up with those I know and love is enough to keep me occupied. I have found a few or they've found me and I've loved their blogs back....and I'd like to mention three of these in particular:

- The Crafty Baking Mama - Amy is a friend I met on twitter with a very new blog and she is funny, sweet and we have more than a little in common!
- Virtu - Sally has commented here a few times and got me thinking hugely (thanks Sally!). She's also a seriously talented crafter.
- Lemon Rhodes - Jody has a seriously gorgeous space and is beyond lovely and generous and though I've been around to her blog a bit in the last few months hers is one of the blogs I've really connected with of late.

So, I'm setting myself a goal - to find one new blog I REALLY like every month. It's not a huge task but given what I've got going on is about all I can promise and actually deliver.

I'd love to know your thoughts on all of this! How do you find new blogs? Have you found any super dooper ones of late that you'd love to share with me? And more, do you care about your stats? Do you set yourself blog goals? If so, what kind of things do you hope to achieve?

xxx

Things I'm Learning: Worry

2011-09-27T13:36:00.002+09:30

Print - by Hair Brained Schemes (the coolest quotes in that shop!)

My whole life I've been plagued by worry. Until recently I would have said that it wasn't an anxiety issue but more a fear of the unknown....but I kind of know better than that now.

My sense of self has always been well defined - I know what I want, what I don't want, what I like, what I don't, how I feel about things, how I want things to be, how I don't want things to be. I have let the "inner voice" guide me through tough times and only really struggled when the inner voice has had no idea what to say.

Sometimes I'm good at just relaxing in to things and letting them be what they will but others I'm almost paralysed by the complete anxiety I feel about how things are going to be. The times I am good at relaxing in to things it's because I've researched, spoken to people I trust and made a conscious effort to let things be. It's a bloody lot of work to do that though.

There is almost nothing that has made me more worried than the impending arrival of a new baby. I had no idea what I was doing with the Bebito but now, with a little experience under my belt I kind of have a clue as to the haze the next 6 months of my life is likely to be enveloped with. I think part of the worry is around the fact I've just got "used" to things being the way they are. Bebito is increasingly independent and well, life's pretty good for us. A new baby brings a whole new set of anxieties to the fold. I've become used to the life we lead - being pretty much a duo with the Bebito most of the time with not that much help from anyone else. We're a good team he and I too.

So I'm going to put words around my worries to help me process them....I worry how my gorgeous first born will adjust to life with a sibling, having to share my time in particular....I worry about if I will be able to give this new baby the love and attention that I have given the Bebito....I worry about the impact of so many sleepless nights and the uncertainty associated with caring for a baby will impact our marriage...I worry about when I will once again feel like "me" again in this Mama-hood process...I worry about the health and happiness of this new little person....will I bond with him.....I worry how on earth I will physically manage caring for Bebito and a baby and a house and a crafty biz and still have some semblance of a life...I worry about our finances and if I will be able to continue doing the work I do now and enjoy or if I'll need to make the decision to step on to the more traditional treadmill of office work and childcare and far sooner than I would like.

It is SO hard for me to still my mind and just trust that things will all be ok but I really am teaching myself how to do that. I'll keep making a conscious effort to relax...and keep sharing my neuroses for as long as it takes to get over them too. I hope you don't mind coming along for the ride with me!

AND if you have tips on overcoming these types of neuroses I'd love to know them!

Bebito's 3rd birthday party: a wrap up

2011-09-25T16:49:00.001+09:30

I promised an update post on the Bebito's birthday party which we held yesterday. It was much more "low key" than his previous parties given I'm well, 35 weeks pregnant! I can't tell you how difficult "low key" is for me by the way!

I originally posted my inspiration board here though I didn't use all the elements in the end.....

Here's an out-take of what we put together around a racing car theme....

Invitations:
I asked Bebito to draw me a racing car - which he now draws the same way each time and used these as the basis of the invitation...here's his little piece - I think you can see the tyres at least! :)

Food:

Mini-frittatas - something that I make for almost every party and used little cupcake toppers in, dip plates, mini spanakopita and popcorn. Bebito loves the popcorn making machine we have and I made lots knowing how much he (and err, I!) love it so I've stashed some in the cupboard.

For lunch I made some roast chickens I tried my own adaptation of Maggie Beer's roast chicken though instead of the verjuice I squeezed some lemon juice over the chook and stuffed butter, garlic & parsley under the skin....it was delicious and I think her technique of varying the temperature every 20 mins was the key to the success of the chicken. We bought some chips from the really great local chip shop we have and made salad to go with it as well.

My anti-too-much-sugar stance is well known by now so the only sweet thing we had was the cake, which the wonderful Fiona of Calm Blue Ocean made for us with quite short notice. We knew what we wanted to make but I also knew I'd lack the time to put it together given I worked all day Thursday and was out celebrating all day Friday. Fiona has a cake making business, Olivia's Kitchen and did a remarkable job given we only talked about it over email! By the way, it tasted absolutely delicious! The cake was chocolate and had a cream and jam layer in the middle. The grass you can see was buttercream and the racetrack gingerbread topped with fondant. Bebito was suitably impressed and so was everyone else.

Party Bags:

This is always fun for me and with kids ranging in age from 1 through to 10 it can be challenging.

Bebito's friends arouund his age got a racing car craft making activity "kit" made up by me...

A selection of the car crayons we made with a notebook:

And everyone, small and grown alike, got a small bag of these gingerbread cars we made earlier in the week too. I prefer them un-iced and they're healthier that way too.

The verdict:
Bebito had a wonderful time and we made sure to avoid any rendition of "Happy Birthday to you!" as he absolutely detests it. When everyone left he cried and said, "I want all my friends to come back please!"

Most of all, I'm SO pleased that the Little Lion has waited a little longer to arrive as I was really hoping to celebrate the Bebito's big day with him.

I would have love to have styled it more and made it a more extended crowd but really tried to keep to my limits and I think I achieved that...not that I wasn't still exhausted by the end of the day!

Three

2011-09-23T06:13:00.000+09:30

Dearest Bebito,

Today, you turn three.

What a joy it is to be your Mama and to have watched you grow from the very small baby you are to the beautiful little boy you are today.

about 5 hours old

on your 1st birthday

on your 2nd birthday

One week before your 3rd birthday

You're an inquisitive, talkative, loving, fun, happy and funny little boy and it is my deepest wish that you hold on to these things for the rest of your life.

You mean the world to Dada and me....and a whole lot more indeed.

Happy Birthday sweetest little man. You are SO loved.

Love always,
Mama.
xxxxx

Major choppage of the hair variety...

2011-09-22T07:30:00.000+09:30

From this at 8am yesterday

To this at 12.30pm

I went the major choppage yesterday as you can see. I have been itching for a hair cut for ages now cos I've been feeling beyond frumpy. I have been quite lucky not to put much weight on during this pregnancy - I'm still wearing my wedding band comfortably but I still feel quite well, hippo-ish. Interestingly since being pregnant with the Bebito my hair went from being nearly dead straight to being quite wavy and what you can see in the photo is just some great Kevin Murphy product and a blow-dry.

The choppage thing seems to be the thing to do at the moment I know with a number of fabulous people in blogland chopping off their hair for the "spring" season and I've been thinking about it for over 6 months now.

I ended up taking the Bebito with me to my hair appointment and he was an absolute STAR! He walked around the salon a little, kissed himself in the mirror (as you do!), played with his planes on the little ledge they use to put the hairdryer on and then settled at my feet with some crayons and a book. I was so nervous about taking him but he did me super proud.

I'm liking the new look though the fringe is a little shorter than I wanted and I will totally make my mind up when I have to wash and style it myself.

It wasn't the indulgent experience of getting my hair cut that it once was but hell most of my life is not the experience it once was so that's more than fitting!

An update on my little shop

2011-09-21T09:08:00.000+09:30

It's been a little while since I gave a crafty update so I thought I'd share the latest goings on!

I've recently added a new piece to both the etsy and madeit stores inspired by Alice Through the Looking Glass. I think she's a bit special just quietly.

I've also been stocked on the shelves of the fabulous E for Ethel shop here in Adelaide - Amanda's got an awesome array of handmade and local stockists and I highly recommend you check out her store, even if you live interstate. :)

I've also hit the 200 "liker" (I detest that term) mark over on the Facebook page and am giving away one of my pieces - all you have to do is comment over there!

And as part of the wonderful Jess' launch of the Bespoke website and blog there are a bunch of gorgeous handmade goodies available as prizes, including one of my Alice pieces. If you haven't already, please pop over and take a look as the prizes are vast and amazing!

I'm also gearing up to stock some of my pieces in a soon to be launched UK based website and will share that information when I'm able to.

As always, I love doing custom pieces and recently created this little lion piece using artwork provided to me. I think he's super dooper cute!

All in all it's pretty busy times for my little shop and I'm loving it.

Review: Yo Gabba Gabba Circus DVD

2011-09-20T13:23:00.000+09:30

Bebito and I were recently gifted a copy of the fairly recently released "Yo Gabba Gabba - Circus" DVD to review.

I've mentioned it before but I'm a super fuss pants about the TV or DVD's Bebito is allowed to watch. Yo Gabba Gabba though is one of those shows that everyone in our house is a fan of...and the songs are insanely catchy. There are four episodes on this DVD, "Circus", "Flying", "Treasure" and "Big".

Bebito's verdict:
"I like this DVD Mama - Brobee looks funny as a clown but I really like the songs most of all and when Brobee shrinks to a small size".... so I guess it gets a thumbs up from the young man. More than that though, he's asked to watch an episode every day since we received it which is about the best praise an almost 3 year old can give anything.

Mama's verdict:
I like this DVD quite a lot and it certainly has enough "boy" stuff to keep the Bebito interested enough to sit down and watch. His favourite episode is the "Flying" one which is no surprise at all given his obsession with all things that fly. I find that because he doesn't watch a lot of TV it takes quite a lot for the Bebito to stay engaged with a program for it's full duration. These episodes have captured his imagination though and he does sit for them which is great for the afternoons when I'm just a bit well, tired to play trains or planes or do much apart from chill out really. The song that he's taken to the most is the "Be Yourself" song from the episode, "Big" which prompted a lot of questions from him about why someone wouldn't want to be themselves and some interesting discussion. All 'round it gets a thumbs up from me too!

Lessons in Mama-hood: excitement

2011-09-19T19:34:00.001+09:30

See this picture? It's a little boy lost in his own excitement. In some ways I know Bebito teaches me more than I could ever teach him.

I have never done excitement well. I think it comes from being let down too many times in early childhood in particular so I learned to not get my hopes up. As a Mama it was/is really important to me that the things we promise are delivered on. Yes means yes, maybe means maybe and no most certainly means no around our house. There's no confusion that's for sure.

The problem is though that I find it hard to get excited now. It's an emotion that does not come naturally. Most of the time I'm ok with faking it til I make it in this way and often it helps me look forward to things.

I'm also certain my logical, planner focused brain overrules and nerves set in more than the idea of whatever it is being something to look forward to. It means that I often plan ahead, investigate or come up with a plan of attack in my head in order to still any doubts and feel somewhat in control.

In the last few days a few people have asked if I'm "excited" about meeting our new little man in a few weeks' time. I've gone through the motions, said the right words to satisfy their curiosity but really, I am more anxious and worried about all manner of things - how will Bebito cope? How will Mr cope? How long will it take me to recover from the surgery? Will I remember what I am doing with a newborn baby? Will the nursery ever be finished? Will he arrive early? Will he be a good feeder? A good sleeper? Will I be ok when the monotonous life sets back in? What about PND? Will the hospital be ok? How long will it take for me to bond with him? And even nice things like...who will he look like? Will he have much hair? What will his skin feel like? What will his cry sound like? How big will he be? What will he be interested in as he grows? It's really no wonder I can't sleep with all that swimming through my head.

I have found that playing with the Bebito, busying myself with work, craft and preparations for Bebito's birthday party on the weekend are helping keep me "together" enough to function. It's at night that all of this surfaces and has me tossing and turning.

But more than anything seeing the Bebito abandon himself in play, laugh at funny words or dance and sing is about the best remedy possible. He helps me remember that there is real joy in the small things and that excitement can be found in simplicity. He well, stops me from over-analysing which is a remarkable thing indeed. What a gorgeous, clever, beautiful little boy my first born is .... And I am so looking forward to learning a whole new set of things from his little brother.

Craft Project: Crayons

2011-09-17T09:30:00.000+09:30

Today I'm blogging over at the Creative Collective blog about how we made these super cute car crayons for the goodie bags for the Bebito's 3rd birthday party next weekend.

You could easily make any shape and they're a super cute and cheap gift idea too - especially if you use the stubs of existing crayons.

Happy Saturday!

A giveaway & (Sydney-siders) would you like some free tickets?

2011-09-16T13:17:00.000+09:30

I was recently gifted a whole bunch of really cool stuff by the lovely folks at the Baby and Toddler Show and though I'm keeping some of the cool things for myself (sorry folks but I am having a baby after all and need some of the things myself!) I wanted to give away some of the lovely things I was gifted including:

- a Jellystone Silicone Jewellery Organic Shaped Pendant on black cord teething necklace - in bright pink (the one above is pictured in red) . These are ALL over the cool shops online and it retails for around $16
- 60ml container of Bio-Oil

AND if you live in Sydney I have some free passes for two upcoming exhibitions...

The Baby and Toddler Show in Sydney which is on from September 30th to October 2nd. I have 6 of these passes to give away and they're worth $20 each.

I also have 5 passes to Better Homes and Gardens Live in Sydney September 23rd to 25th. Each double pass is worth $20. These can be redeemed online with a code so there will be ample time to ensure you're able to go if you'd like to!

To win you need to:

comment below saying what you'd like to win (please give me a separate comment for each entry)

The details:

open only to Australian residents
please ensure I have a valid way of contacting you
give away open until 6pm Wednesday the 21st of September and I'll announce the winners that evening using a random number picker

There are some extremely good odds of winning one of these prizes if you're interested so please don't be shy! :)

Normal days....

2011-09-16T11:29:00.000+09:30

Gorgeous card by stasiab

I think I've mentioned before that I was very lucky to have had a teacher in High School who made an enormous impact on my life. She was there for me in ways that grown ups in my life at the time weren't able to be. Today she tagged me in a post on Facebook saying that in a book I gifted her in 1991 (I was in Year 11) I had written this quote:

"Normal day, let me be aware of the treasure you are. Let me learn from you, love you, bless you before you depart. Let me not pass you by in quest of some rare and perfect tomorrow. Let me hold you while I may, for it may not always be so."

SO timely for me to be reminded of this. To "normal" days!

Much love,

34 weeks & panic is setting in....

2011-09-15T07:32:00.000+09:30

We had our fortnightly check up with the Dr on Tuesday and it appears that Little Lion is already engaged. Though this of course doesn't mean that he will arrive early it appears he's getting ready and news of this sent me into a panic. The nursery isn't finished, the Bebito's 3rd birthday is next week and his party too, I have 3 more weeks at work to go including this week, much crafting to get done, some things I still need to buy myself and well, I just don't FEEL ready. I've also been having quite regular Braxton-Hicks which is very spooky too. I have since made progress on packing a bag for both myself and the baby too.

I had a gorgeous High Tea with some of my closest friends last weekend and had some lovely treats as well as just some much needed laughs. I felt the love in the room and am lucky to have these gorgeous women in my life. I'm holding on to this feeling for as long as I possibly can. I had a big Baby Shower when pregnant with Bebito and I didn't want anything of the sort this time around. I don't actually "like" Baby Shower's that much.

Bebito, has also given me a timely reminder that he is going to need a lot of TLC in the next little while as after he's been unwell for the last week has become supremely attached to me in ways he's never been before. He wants to be near me all the time and blatantly prefers me over everyone else. I don't expect this to get better, in fact I expect it to get worse, but it's exhausting both emotionally and physically. I'm worried about how he's going to adjust....my sensitive and loving little man and if he'll be ok...and how I'll make time to honour him and make him feel special in the next little while as well as forever more.

Some days well, I just am happy to see the end of and these seem increasing in number at the moment. I don't feel like I'm doing anything particularly well - mothering, working, wife-ing, daughter-ing, friend-ing or looking after myself that well either. It's just a constant pull from one thing to the other and I never seem to catch up. Can anyone say the words "control freak?" :)

The Mr asked me the other day whether I thought we'd have more children after this one.....I told him that the timing of his question couldn't be worse! This baby is constantly moving and I'm just, well, exhausted. I'm trying hard to suck it up, prioritise and rest where I can but gee it's a juggle.

So, it's all a bit "hard" at the moment. Not that I don't appreciate how lucky we are to be having an additional family member join us.

Oh and many thanks for your tips last week re the hospital bag last week - they helped a lot! :)

Casa Be Loverly Recipes ... Lemon Meringue Pie

2011-09-13T07:31:00.000+09:30

Pies ready to be grilled

Last week I hosted our Book Club gathering as usual and given I have been told to "rest" as much as possible I decided that instead of dinner I'd just make a dessert. Normally I look to the book we've read for inspiration as to what to cook and as I mentioned last week, we read a book called What Alice Forgot which features a lemon meringue pie baking world record attempt.

I've never made lemon meringue pie before but hell, that's never stopped me before! All the recipes I found didn't really appeal to me and I have tried and tested versions of all three elements of the pie so I did a hybrid version of the pie.

I also decided it would be easier to make small pies rather than a large one...they just seem to go further and I didn't want to get all messy chopping a pie as my lovelies were all strewn around my loungeroom surfaces.

The pastry and the lemon curd are both Donna Hay and the meringue is Jamie Oliver....so here's my recipe - you definitely need kitchen gadgets to make this recipe! Bebito loves helping press the buttons on kitchen gadgets and stirring things so he helped me quite a lot along the way with this recipe.

Shortcrust:

2 cups of plain flour
145g unsalted butter, cubed
2 - 3 tablespoons

Whizz the flour and butter in a food processor until it looks like breadcrumbs. Slowly drizzle the water in until pastry forms a ball of dough. Remove pastry and very lightly and quickly knead before forming into a disc and wrapping in clingfilm. Refrigerate for at least half an hour, longer is ok too - especially if you are doing this on a warm day.

Preheat oven to 180 degrees. When you're ready, roll out to rough shape of your tin (which should be buttered or canola sprayed) and line the tin(s). Prick the pastry a few times with a fork (this just helps it not get all puffy) and blind bake for around 10 mins until pastry is quite a nice gold colour. Cool completely.

I use this shortcrust recipe for EVERY type of pie I make - sweet and savoury and often make up a double batch and freeze the second portion. Some recipes call for caster sugar in sweet recipes but I'm not a mad fan as normally there's enough sugar elsewhere in the recipe.

Lemon curd:
I LOVE lemon curd - like LOVE! I love it on French toast with berries especially and we make it quite often thanks to a lemon tree in our backyard that gifts us with loads of lemons.

You could easily make this a few days in advance and store in the fridge until you're ready.

180g butter
3/4 cup caster sugar
2/3 cup lemon juice, strained
3 eggs

Place butter, sugar and lemon juice in a saucepan over a low heat and stir until butter is melted and sugar is dissolved.

Remove from heat and whisk in eggs.Stir over low heat for 8-10 minutes (often needs more for me at least) until thickened. It should be like a thick custard.

Allow to cool and then put in a bowl in the fridge until you need it. It'll last a couple of days but if you want it to last longer you'll need to go to the trouble of sterilising a jar and it'll keep for a few weeks.

Meringue
This is THE ONLY meringue recipe I use now. Any time I try another it flops so I don't dare try any others now.

6 large free-range or organic egg whites
1 cup and 5 Tbsp. superfine sugar
Pinch of salt

Put your egg whites into a bowl of a mixer, making sure there are absolutely no little pieces of egg shell or egg yolk in them. Whisk on medium until the whites form firm peaks. You'll know that it's thick enough if you can hold the bowl upside-down over your head.

With your mixer still running, gradually add the sugar and the pinch of salt. Turn the mixer up to the highest setting and whisk for about 7 or 8 minutes until the meringue mixer is deliciously white and glossy. Dip your finger in the meringue and rub the mixture between your thumb and index finger. It should feel perfectly smooth. If it feels at all grainy, whisk for a little bit longer. Keep a close eye on the meringue because if you whisk for too long, it will collapse.

To make the pie:
Two thirds fill the pie case(s) with the lemon curd and then top with the meringue. I wanted a rustic look and just used a butter knife to spread it really generously on top.

Place pies under a grill for a few minutes, until they're yummy and golden looking on top. Or if you're super fancy and have a blow torch you can do that too.

I was worried about storing the pies and as they're a bit high fuss and high cost I didn't want them to spoil so I looked up how well they'd store. In all honesty, I shouldn't have worried. I left them to come to room temperature and put them in an airtight container and they were fine on Sunday when I served the leftovers at family dinner with my Mum and Grandma. The one thing I'd caution is that you want to totally make sure the eggs are fresh as you don't really cook the whites through.

It'd also be easy to make the pastry and the lemon curd well in advance (a day or two) and then just do the meringue at the last minute and it wouldn't seem like such hard work.

I was quite impressed with this one and for once, the effort exerted actually showed in the finished product which looked quite impressive.

Cherishing your Cherubs project: praise

2011-09-12T08:44:00.006+09:30

Bebito's "concentration" face - I LOVE it

This week's project for Naomi's Cherishing your Cherubs project was around praise.

I am BIG on praise. Actually HUGE on praise. In some ways I think that parenting is like being a good manager and all the same HR principals apply. For each negative, five positives should be verbalised. I am constantly seeking ways to reinforce the good behaviour and ignore the bad behaviour in order to minimise the "bad" behaviour in the long run.

I must admit that this was a trying week with the Bebito having a tummy bug and then a cold. This weekend saw more tantrums than we have had on our hands in the last 3 or 4 months combined. It's patience testing stuff but I understood it.

This area of parenting is one where my darling husband and I differ greatly as the praise does not come naturally to him. In fact, I find myself praising him for praising the Bebito.

I've read SO many articles where the expert says that praising children isn't good for them but this is one area where I totally trust my instincts. I don't praise for the sake of praise that's for sure and I try to be more inventive than just saying "good job", instead praising the specific thing he's done really well.

Actually, I think this is just part of listening well to my child and tapping into his needs. And those needs include him knowing that he is loved and accepted for the full person he is and that he shouldn't give up easily. This last area - giving up easily - is the one thing I decided to focus on this week in particular as it's safe to say that the Bebito gets VERY easily frustrated when things don't immediately work the way he wants. It's going to take longer than a week (and definitely longer than a week when he's not been well!) to get him out of this habit but we're well on the way.

Every time I heard him start to ramp up on the frustration scale I stopped what I was doing and said, "How are you going with what you're trying to do?" in order that he thought more carefully about what he was doing, quickly followed by, "remember sweetie that you need to keep trying, if it doesn't happen the way you want straight away." About a third of the time he'd move quietly about doing his task until he "did it" and then exclaim with much satisfaction, "I did it!", another third of the time he'd say, "I can't DO IT! Can you please show me how?" and the remaining third of the time he'd escalate into a mini-tantrum. It certainly helped to have an arsenal of, "I really liked the way you kept trying/I'm really proud of you/See you did it all by yourself" etc etc etc at the ready. And it's most certainly an improvement on where we started the week and it really feels like we're making some progress!

To look at some other "praise" projects pop on over to Naomi's to visit the other blogs taking part this week.

Book Friday: A Bebito Review & a Mama Review

2011-09-09T07:53:00.005+09:30

It's been a little while since I did a Book Friday post but this week I have two reviews.The first is a Bebito review of a new release that was very generously supplied by Pan Macmillan, "Zoe & Beans: The Magic Hoop". This book is newly released and is the latest installment in the series of adventures of Zoe and her dog, Beans. The first thing that struck me about this book is the truly gorgeous illustrations. They're just beautiful. The book's written and illustrated by father & daughter team Mick & Chloe Inkpen (isn't that just the most divine surname for a children's author?). The story is just the right amount of magical in my opinion. I also like that it's not clearly aimed at either boys or girls as some books seem to be. Bebito's verdict? "I love the story Mama and I especially like Beans who is a very funny dog for turning in to different animals and I think he's a bit silly for getting stuck in the hoop! But that's ok cos it all ends well and they have lots of fun together Zoe & Beans." Overall, a thumbs up from me and from Bebito too clearly!

The second book, for my Book Club meeting tonight is What Alice Forgot by Liane Moriarity. I've not loved any of the Book Club books we've read to date and I didn't have high expectations for this one either but it surprised me. I read almost the whole book in a day (I am resting see!) and it's a really sweet read. Alice, the main character, has an accident at the gym and when she comes to has lost all memory of the last 10 years of her life, including the birth of her 3 children and impending divorce to her husband. It's really interesting to see the woman Alice once was critique the life of the woman she has become. She was a much simpler and in some ways I think, naive, younger woman but as she's gotten older she's become more controlling and well, less fun! I really quite enjoyed reading this one and think it'd make a great summer read in particular.

But, quelle horreur, I'm almost out of books to read and would love some recommendations of some light-ish and interesting reading for the next few weeks as it seems the best way I actually "rest" and adhere to Dr's orders! :)

Happy reading,

33 weeks and my head is spinning

2011-09-08T07:11:00.005+09:30

Icecream cone x-stitch by one of my faves, andwabisabi

Things around here are a little intense at the moment. We've hit the 33 week mark which means that our Little Lion is a mere 5 weeks away from joining us in the outside world. There are a few complications with my health though different ones to the ones that I experienced with the Bebito - heart, thyroid, low blood pressure, anaemia - none of which are majorly serious but are combining to give me a bit of a hard time. The pregnancy insomnia is a killer too - most mornings I wake between 1am and 3am and can't go back to sleep. I've never been good at "stilling" my mind and with so much to think about at the moment I'm not easily able to doze back off. I know I'll swap this level of tiredness with another type which makes your eyes all scratchy in a few short months but I can't help but feel that at least I'll be in charge of my own body then!

Bebito had a tummy bug yesterday and was totally miserable and things have been further complicated by my Bako's surgery not going as well as was hoped and she is almost totally immobile meaning the back-up I have in my Mum isn't there at the moment.

After today I have 3 more (paid) work Thursdays and though the money is great, 6 hours of standing on my feet teaching is not the ideal way to spend a day at the moment.

I've also had an online stockist ask for some sample pieces and to design a new piece which is marvellous but is possibly not the greatest of timing.

There are still some things that are needing to be done to get ready for the arrival of the baby too - a new car seat for Bebito and I have to pack my hospital bag too. I'm going to have to look up what to take again cos I can't for the life of me remember!

All in all my head is totally spinning at the moment with lists and worries and things to do. I'm doing my best to slow down and enjoy the time I have with my remarkable Bebito who seems to have grown up so very much in the last few weeks....and we have his birthday party coming up too in a few short weeks which I am doing my very best to keep low key.

In the meantime, I'm doing my best to take each day as it comes - relax where I can, find the positive, delight in the small things like icecream and sunshine and the beautiful hugs from both my grown and small boy.

In the meantime, if you see the sleep fairy or the cleaning fairy - PLEASE direct her to my place!

Cherishing your Cherubs project: interview

2011-09-05T12:17:00.005+09:30

This week's task for the Cherish Your Cherubs project created by Naomi is to interview your child(ren).

I actually think I'm good at stopping and listening to the Bebito - it's the grown ups in my life I'm less good at listening to, especially Mr!

I knew this would yield some interesting results so sat down across three separate occasions to ask the Bebito some of the questions as prompted by Naomi. I've combined the answers across all three "interviews" below. Yes, he seriously does talk this much and without drawing breath let me assure you!

Me: What makes you happy sweetheart?
Bebito: Well, all kinds of things!
Me: Like what kind of things?
Bebito: Playing with my toys, especially my planes and rockets....and when we go new places and I learn new things. Hugs make me happy too Mama, especially big hugs. I like reading books with you, especially when we snuggle in my bed. I like doing craft with you and helping Dada in the garden and when I give you and Grandma sloppy kisses and make you laugh. I like making up words and dancing too. I never liked singing before but I do now. Oh, and going to the playground, I like that too. All that makes me happy but most of all Mama it makes me happy to know you love me (err, yes, I had to hide my tears at this point!).

Me: Ok then, well what makes you sad honey?
Bebito: When I do cheeky stuff and you and Dada have to tell me off. Or if I hurt myself. And noisy stuff, I don't like loud or noisy things or it being too windy. Windy is annoying. Oh, and I don't like going to bed, even for a rest ok? But most of all I don't like scary dreams. I do like that whenever I have a scary dream and call you that you come and tell me everything is ok and give me a kiss and a hug.

Me: What makes you angry?
Bebito: Well, I think maybe I get angry when I hurt myself or I can't do things straight away properly like riding my bike but I try not to get angry or I tell you what's making me upset so you can help. And sometimes I just get angry because I don't know why.

Me: What do you love sweetie?
Bebito: Everything!
Me: Are you sure?
Bebito: Actually, that's not true, I don't like sharks although basking sharks are friendly and I like them.
Me: OK then. But what other things do you love?
Bebito: Flying machines, stars, Grandma, Bako, Dada, Uncle Sean .... and even you Mama!
Me: I love you baby!
Bebito: Yes Mama, I know! (smooch time!)

Me: Do you think Mama could do a better job of being your Mama?
Bebito: I don't understand what you mean Mama?
Me: Is there anything you'd like me to do more with you that I don't do?
Bebito: Oh Mama, don't be silly! But I think maybe, you could give me more ice-cream to eat and don't make me sit at the table so much to eat dinner...oh and maybe you could give me hot chips to eat every day instead of just sometimes!

So there we have it, an insight into my charming little man's inner workings. I'd say he's a pretty happy little boy.

Thanks again to Naomi for such an inspired project!

Hello spring!

2011-09-02T15:12:00.005+09:30

Photo: Baby clothes drying on Mum's washing line

I LOVE Spring!

I got married in Spring, the Bebito was born in spring and so will the Little Lion. There is just something magical about the light, the new growth, a re-birth. It's like a "new year" for me....the possibilities, the new-ness, the sunshine. I love everything about it.

I feel like this is exactly what I need at the moment - a burst of sunshine, a refreshed mind, a new start in some ways. It couldn't have come at a better time.

Today the sun is shining gloriously in our neck of the woods and I'm doing the nesting kinda things that I need to do to be prepared for the Little Lion's arrival....like 5 loads of washing 0000 and 000 clothes, wraps, blankets, bibs, hats, mittens, socks and sheets!

Happy Spring!

Creative Collective September Project: For the Boys

2011-09-01T12:24:00.001+09:30

Image: custom order made by me! :)

As it's the 1st day of the month it's time to announce our new theme and this month is "For the Boys". So, it's time to celebrate those lovely boys and men in our lives.

I never thought I'd be surrounded by boys - I grew up surrounded by strong women so it's a big shift for me...not that I don't love it, it's just very different to be playing with cars, planes and all manner of other vehicles than the types of things I enjoyed as a small person.

Pop on over to the Creative Collective blog for all the details and to grab the button to show you're participating.

We'd love for you to play along in any way you'd like - even if it's just sharing your favourite "boy" things with our linky posts on Wednesday's.

I'm so looking forward to proving that boy's "stuff" for boy's both grown and small is equally as fabulous as the stuff there is for girls!

Ten years!

2011-09-01T06:31:00.005+09:30

Us at the Veuve Clicquot cellars in Reims, France - April 2011

Today the Mr and I have been married 10 years.

It's been an amazing 10 years and there have definitely been more up's than down's and I really think that we love one another more deeply now than we ever have.

Being parents certainly has changed our relationship but we try hard to escape the humdrum and the mundane and remember to be "us" again too. The holiday we took earlier in the year was great for that. One day the small people will grow up, leave home, lead lives of their own and it's front and centre in my mind that we should still continue the conversation we started all those years ago.

Our sister-in-law read this poem by Kahlil Gibran at our wedding and it is still very much how we feel about one another. It's not a way that everyone "loves" but it is for us.

Love one another, but make not a bond of love:
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.
Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf.
Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone,
Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.

Tonight we are heading out for dinner - our first time since our trip in April - and we shall drink a glass of celebratory bubbles (Veuve of course!) - we will reflect, wish and remember. We will be thankful for the presence and love of each other that we have and the support we give each other in numerous and countless ways. We shall be glad of the life we have created together and for the family that surrounds us and really celebrate how blessed we are.

Life & Lens: homegrown flower

2011-08-31T07:12:00.002+09:30

My grown up boys spent Sunday doing "jobs" together whilst I crafted. I heard a little rattley knock at the door and the words, "Mama, I have something pretty for you, come open the door!"

The Bebito and Mr had picked one the first of the gorgeous lilies that has flowered this year from the only shady spot in our garden, along the neighbour's fence. I love these flowers and the boys planted them just for me.

The Bebito then helped me trim it and put it in my favourite vase and it's now proudly adorning our mantle piece in the lounge. The little collection of vases that you can see are all significant to me in some way and it makes me smile to know the boys have both tended to the garden and picked me this flower.

To link up on this last day of the August challenge over at the Creative Collective or just to nosey at what others have been up to pop over to the Creative Collective Blog. With tomorrow being the first of the month, we'll announce a new challenge too!

I've been a busy crafty bee....

2011-08-30T07:19:00.006+09:30

I've been busy getting ready for stocking in my very first ever bricks and mortar store! I've got a bunch of pieces heading over to what will be a divine store here in Adelaide called E for Ethel which is VERY exciting indeed.

I've also had a number of custom orders which I've shared on twitter/instagram/Facebook but not yet blogged about.

I just adore creating custom pieces. It really makes my heart sing to create something special and unique.

So here's what I've been up to....

My favourite ever piece stitched from a sketch by the son of one of my favourite bloggy friends. It's a picture of him, his Mama and his two little brothers. SO sweet! This type of piece is one I really hope to do more of.

A letter designed on Sprout fabric for my best customer's new nephew. I love these elephants.

This sketching is for a piece that's a design collaboration with one of the people whose been incredibly positive and nurturing in setting up my little shop. I may have to make one for my Little Lion in the colours of his room. :) When I do a custom design I always do a sketch of the design first and get it "approved". Any excuse to get out the sharpie is fine with me! :)

And lastly, a very special piece for a dear friend's little girl who's not quite 1 yet. My friend asked if I could base the design on a hat that her daughter had worn when she was smaller and they have fond memories of. The colours were chosen by her and aren't normally ones I work with but I like that as it sets me a bit of a creative challenge. :)

It's all such fun and I really enjoy doing these pieces.

If it's the kind of thing you'd be keen on I'd love to make something for you or as a gift for a loved one - get in touch by emailing me at cat[dot]beloverly[at]gmail[dot]com

Cherishing your Cherubs project: remembering

2011-08-29T12:25:00.002+09:30

This week's challenge as part of the Cherishing Your Cherubs project is remembering - to view the posts of others playing along with this challenge please pop over to Naomi's wonderful blog, Seven Cherubs.

As we're only about 6 weeks away from having our Little Lion I have been remembering A LOT about the first few months after bringing Bebito home and making us a family of three and so I've decided to write the Bebito a letter almost 3 years on from the day he was born about that very day.

Dearest Bebito,

You were born on Tuesday September the 23rd of September at 11.19am. It was, and will remain the most significant day in your Mama's life because with your arrival you made me a Mama.

I was admitted to hospital with very high blood pressure and was given medication to bring on your arrival the evening before. Your Dada and I were given a birth suite to stay the night in and we heard all the other Mama's bringing their babies into the world and we were a tad, well, scared.

Your Dada slept well that night on a bed they brought in for him (nice nurses!) and I started to feel the pains that meant you were on your way at about 2am on the Tuesday morning. These kept going and slowly getting stronger as we got closer to sunrise. I left your Dada to sleep because I didn't know how long my labour would last and wanted him to be well rested.

At about 6.30am I began to shake uncontrollably. I've never had such a reaction before but obviously my nerves surrounding your arrival got the better of me and the wonderful midwife who take care of us that day, Di, made sure Mama had lots of warm blankets. The shaking never stopped for me though until you were born.

At about 8am the anaesthetist arrived to give me some special medication in my back as Dr Lane who took care of me through my pregnancy with you and delivered you was worried about Mama. The anaesthetists was a very unusual South African man who told me all about a conference he'd just come back from in Germany where they discussed "revolutionary ideas" about taking care of Mama's in labour. He made your Dada laugh. It was really important I sit still when this Dr was giving me the medication and I did a meditation exercise that I'd learned in the special hypnotherapy lessons I'd taken before you were born. Dada held my hand and I concentrated very hard and the shaking stopped for a brief few minutes.

Dr Lane came in to check on me after that and it turns out that my waters had broken a few days before and Dada and I started to get a little concerned by the look on his face.

Most of the time when we were waiting for you I had to lay on a bed and a special belt was strapped around my tummy so they could hear and monitor your heart. Because I'd had the special medication I couldn't feel most of the contractions but I could see them on the print-out that the machine was giving.

At about 10.30am I needed to go to the toilet (sorry if that part embarrasses you munchkin) and I insisted that I be allowed to get off the bed and go on my own. When I came back to sit on the bed Di strapped the belt back on to my tummy and that's when things started getting serious. You made it clear you weren't very happy at all and your little heart rate went very low. Di called Dr Lane immediately and within a few minutes I was prepared for surgery, Dada put on some funny blue clothes and had called Grandma to tell her what was happening. We were rushed down to the operating theatre and the staff there took really, really good care of us until you were pulled from Mama's tummy. There was a really beautiful nurse who sat by Mama's head stroking my arm and telling me everything was ok. I shook throughout the whole process and well after you were born too.

You weren't very big - just 3 kilograms but you were (and still are!) very tall and slim. You had folds of skin that you hadn't yet grown in to but your Dada and I were in awe of you the minute we saw you.

When we saw Dr Lane the next day it seems you had wedged yourself and there was no way we were going to be able to get you out "normally" with the way Mama's body is made so we know your little brother will have to be born in the same way.

The rest of the day was a bit hazy for Mama - your temperature was low and the Dr's were worried about you so Dada went with you as I went to a special room called the recovery room. When I was brought up to the room where we stayed, Dada, Grandma and Bako and you were waiting for me. The Dr's gave me some very strong medication and I was very sleepy. You were very sleepy for the first few days too (that didn't continue my little love!) and we had problems learning how to give you your milk which is something that took you and I a few weeks to master.

With the help of Di, Dada gave you your first bath on the evening you were born and I remember looking at Dada's hands and thanking goodness that they are large and strong as I was worried if it were me holding you that you'd slip out of my hands. Dada and I didn't even have ANY idea how to put a nappy on you and you made it clear from day 1 you had your own way of doing things because you detested being wrapped up the way most babies love to.

We stayed in hospital for 5 days, neither of us was ready to go home. We had lots of visitors and it was clear from day one that you were a sociable little man - happy to be held by anyone and content in your own skin. This hasn't changed.

This is a photo of you on the day we brought you home from the hospital.

And this is you last week. You've grown a lot haven't you?

And so this is the story of the day you were born. I never knew how much I could love you. I never knew how much joy your laughter, your curiosity, your hugs, your kisses would bring. You, my son, are a remarkable little man and it is my absolute privilege to be your Mama.

With all my love, always,
Mama.

The ultraviolets are hurting my eyes ....

2011-08-29T06:49:00.003+09:30

The Bebito is a very curious child. Curious in the traditional sense of the word...he wants to know E-V-E-R-Y-T-H-I-N-G. His Dada is a scientist with an incredibly logical mind and for his age he's a very rational child. You can reason with our little boy. Lets face it, his Mama loves a bit of order and rationalism in her life too so the poor child didn't stand a genetic chance.

As much as his constant chatter is sometimes, well, too much it actually is part of the joy in raising this child and he asks questions constantly. The Mr and I decided very early on that we'd give him age appropriate but very "proper" explanations. Simple answers aren't enough for us and why should they be for him? And we don't talk down to him - we simplify our answers but not so much that it isn't a stretch for him sometimes. So, when he asks questions like, "why is the sun hurting my eyes" he gets an explanation about ultraviolet light which then weeks later results in statements like, "Ouch my eyes are sore, the ultraviolets are hurting my eyes." Which results in much grinning and amusement from us as his parents as to the cuteness.

We have found these things interesting and delight in his curiosity but we knew it was only a matter of time until the questions become well, potentially a little more difficult...and so we found ourselves on Friday morning discussing all manner of things across the breakfast table. Dada was off to a funeral and wearing a black tie which prompted, "Why are you wearing a tie today Dada?" question and then a lot of other questions about who the man was who'd passed away. And so we found ourselves discussing funerals, death, race-relations, burial, the after-life with our almost 3 year old and we wondered if perhaps we were taking it all too well, far with the "proper" but age appropriate explanations. Would the things we discuss sadden him? We glanced across the table at one another nervously and as the Mr finished answering his questions the Bebito looked at us and said, "Do you know the name of the farting dog? It's Walter and I like that book!" I guess we balanced the fine line ok then....until next time.

Finishing touches to the nursery...

2011-08-26T09:31:00.003+09:30

I made a quick visit to the Mathilda's Markets a few weeks back and ordered these gorgeous customised name blocks for the nursery. I bought them from Retro Ragamuffins who have the blocks in various sizes and with different patterns. The minute I saw these though I had to get them given our plane/cloud theme. There are lots of cool other things too but these blocks are delightful. I love them on the mantle piece and against the red they're looking very swish indeed.

This weekend the Mr is plastering a small section of wall and I'll have to attempt making some curtains (eeek!). I was going to get my Grandma to make them but as she's still in hospital I'll have to improvise - any tips from you sewing types to this non-sewing type would be VERY much appreciated.

Happy Friday and weekend to you and yours. I have a very boisterous Bebito today begging me, "please Mama can you be finished with your computer? It's time! Before it gets night time and the sun sets."

ps. Yes, that's a clue to the name we've chosen but I shall share only that it has the letter "l" in it somewhere and that it may or may not be all of the letters in his name. ;)

Can't wait to try....Made by Joel: Paper City Paris!

2011-08-25T07:03:00.005+09:30

Even when the weather is delish in every sense I still like to have a bit of a wind down activity for the Bebito to do in the afternoon before dinner. It seems to get us through the "witching hour" in tact (it's never been a big issue around here to be honest).

I've been a Made by Joel fan for a VERY long time but his twins are a little older than the Bebito and I think he's only now ready for this type of activity. If you're not already familiar with his work, Joel is a Dad who creates LOADS of cool print out illustrations that he's generous enough to share with us on his blog. I wish I could draw half as well as he can.

His latest project is Paper City Paris which includes pictures of some of Paris' most famous sights. The Bebito loves anything Parisian, especially after we brought him back cool toys, books and souvenirs from our trip earlier in the year.

We're buying him this super cool play table for his birthday and I'm looking forward to creating the whole series of Joel's pieces in the coming months that he can play with. We had intentions of making our own play table but with all that's happening at the moment we just don't have time.

I'd love to know any kids' craft activities you're busting to try?

Life & Lens: Enjoying the sunshine

2011-08-24T09:40:00.006+09:30

The weather has been truly glorious this week and we've been making the most of this early spring sunshine before it goes back to being all wintry again next week.

We've gardened

PicnickedSandpit-ed
Splashed in puddles

Trampolined
PaintedAnd just generally had lots of outdoor fun.

I hope the sun is smiling and shining in your neck of the woods today!

To see what other people have been enjoying pop on over to the Creative Collective blog for this week's linky action for the Life & Lens monthly project & please do join in!

When your best isn't enough

2011-08-23T21:13:00.001+09:30

I teach the Bebito that as long as he tries his best then that is all that can be asked of him. It's a lesson my Mum taught me and is one I wholly embrace.

The thing is though, that sometimes, like is happening for me at the moment, your best just isn't enough. It's enough in the sense that I don't feel guilty about how hard I'm trying but it's not enough to change the outcome. So, as I struggle and juggle, cry buckets of tears and pretend that all is fine as I laugh and play with my little man I am overcome with unease.

It frustrates me no end that I don't have all the answers and that I can't work at things hard enough to make them better. I want to throw hard work, love and passion at what is going on but it just isn't enough. There's no magic fix.

I shall move to a place of peace but at the moment I shall dwell a little in my sadness.

Remember when...

2011-08-23T06:57:00.004+09:30

A blade of grass was one of the most fascinating things ever?

Or you moo-d all around the backyard pretending to be a cow eating said grass?

And backyard picnics with banana moustaches were the source of much laughter?

Well I don't remember these things as I was a vastly different child to the Bebito but I'm blessed to be enjoying discovering these things through the Bebito's eyes.

With thanks to spring for well, springing, and Zoey for reminding me to relish these last few weeks of it just being my "big little boy" and me.

Cherishing Your Cherubs project: record your children's life

2011-08-22T14:15:00.008+09:30

The inspirational Naomi of Seven Cherubs (who I sat next to and giggled with at the ABC conference earlier in the year!) has created a wonderful new blog hop called Cherish Your Cherubs.

Each week for the next six weeks she's setting a challenge for us Mama-types to blog about.

This week is all about "recording" the life of your cherubs.

In all honesty there's very little about the Bebito I could share that I don't already but here goes....

Bebito: age 3 minus 1 month and 1 day
Currently obsessed with planes and any kind of air transportation
VERY loud
Non-stop talker
VERY smoochy boy
Loves licking (ewww) and tickling his Mama - especially her hair which is an odd sensation
Budding chef and food critic
VERY interested in jumping off things, especially things he shouldn't like beds and couches
Nap resister
NEVER sleepy
Charmer and all 'round sociable fellow except at birthday parties!
Current favourite book: one about "Our Earth" featuring information about the continents and volcanoes amongst many other facts

B2/Little Lion: 31 weeks in utero
WAY more active than his big brother in utero and currently scaring the crapola out of his Mama about this
Lover of Wolfmother
Future brilliant sleeper and champion breastfeeder!

For links to other posts as part of this project jump on over to Naomi's.

Stuff I don't know: the co-parenting edition

2011-08-22T07:32:00.000+09:30

My boys mowing the back lawn together - melts my heart

I don't often post about the Mr. I like to keep things between us well, private but today I'm breaking tradition.

The Mr and I grew up in really different family environments - his a very traditional English/Australian upbringing and he the youngest in his family. His parents were really "free range with a dash of do-things-my-way-or-the-highway thrown in for good measure".

I grew up in a very European household in many ways but in a lot of ways it wasn't. It was in a lot of ways, incredibly unstable and we only had a very small family unit - a lot of the time it was Mum, my brother and I and the support of my Grandparents. It was tough financially but hell we were SO loved and Mum was really hands on. In a lot of ways I'm the kind of Mum she is only without so many worries and a partner who supports me and mostly, with about 15 more years life experience than she had when she became a parent. I'm the oldest and in some ways was the grown up in our house. I assumed a lot of responsibility at various points in my younger life. One day I'll share more about this all but today isn't that day.

When I met the Mr he was welcomed in to our family very openly. He's a very likable guy and everyone in my family adored him. He has come to accept our way of doing things even when he doesn't understand it or he thinks it odd. He's good at withholding judgement like that.

We never struggled with this difference in our backgrounds at all until we became parents. Don't get me wrong, we still see eye-to-eye on the majority of things and what is important to us both in raising our child(ren) is very much the same but it's the execution of this that we sometimes have disagreements about each other's approach.

The Mr is a loving and playful Dad and I don't want to paint him in any other way so I hope I'm not doing so here. The Bebito and his Dada are so similar in a lot of ways. The older the Bebito gets the more I can foresee being the meat in the sandwich of their disagreements. At almost 3 the Bebito can be quick to temper, easily frustrated, incredibly loud and exceptionally opinionated on how things should be done (he's many other wonderful things of course - loving, affectionate, thoughtful and very funny too) and in this way he and his Dada are similar. They're both a heady mix of super relaxed and super intense (where I just tend to the super intense end of the spectrum!). I am finding it increasingly hard to navigate my way through the minefield of their metaphorical headbutting. Most often I try to leave them to it - I figure they have to sort out their way of dealing with one another to form any kind of good relationship in the future but of late, as I become increasingly focused on how much help I'll need in taking care of the Bebito once this new baby arrives, I find myself worrying about it.

What I wonder though, especially from those of you who have been parents much longer than us is how you ensure you back each other up in front of the child(ren) when you have different approaches or outright disagree with one another?

This week I'm grateful for.....Grandma's

2011-08-20T13:39:00.004+09:30

My Grandparents wedding portrait: she was 19, he 16

Bebito & his Grandma (my Mum)

I'm playing along with Maxabella for the first time in a while today.

I wanted to give thanks to the universe for Grandma's....my own and the Bebito's.

As a child my Grandma, who I call Bako, and have mentioned several times around these parts was my favourite person in the universe. Bar none! She and I have always been kindred spirits. She's an amazing woman and I'm more like than my own Mum. When I was struggling as a young girl with finding my place in the world and coping with family "issues" it was always her I turned to. Since my Grandpa (Deda) passed away 9 years ago I have seen her become a shell of her former self as often happens to people when they lose the love of their life. I understand this of course but it saddens me to no longer see the glint in her eye or hear her laugh often. She's a young Gret-Grandma - only 75 this year but her body is that of a much older woman given the food restrictions of her youth and the sheer amount of hard labour she has undertaken in her life. Her life has certainly been more of a struggle for the basics than my own and without her struggle I wouldn't have what I have today. Without her love and guidance I wouldn't be who I am either. When the Bebito was small and was going through his most awful sleeping patterns she is the one person in my life who stood up to me when I said I was ok and coping, knowing full well I wasn't. She's not well at the moment, having undergone some fairly complex surgery last week and she won't be back home with Mum for a while - they're talking at least a month. I worry for her almost incessantly and know she isn't coping well with being cooped up inside when she's so outdoors-y.

I can see this same relationship forming between the Bebito and my own Mum/his Grandma. He is without doubt her favourite person who ever lived and she is his. They have their own secrets, their own bond, a wealth of shared experiences through spending time together that I try and stay well clear of. My Mum is about the most loving person I've ever met and she will always turn a blind eye to the Bebito's foibles. They are most certainly in cahoots and I love watching them play, read, laugh and love one another. People used to ask my Mum when I was younger whether it bothered her that my Bako and I were so close and she used to look at them like they were daft and say, "No, it's my MUM for goodness sake!" and I find myself using the same line. He's never in better hands than with her and I couldn't parent as easily without her. As it gets closer to our new baby's arrival I know that this relationship between the Bebito and his Grandma will be one that will help me no end.

Grandma's are truly special people and I'm eternally grateful that these wonderful women are part of my life.

Opposites

2011-08-19T14:28:00.003+09:30

I am strong but I am also incredibly weak
I am earnest and serious, though I can be funny, am nearly always sarcastic and prone to much self-mockery
I am open and honest yet there are things I will not admit easily
I am thought filled though I wish thoughts away
I believe in myself though I am overcome often with self-doubt
I am guided by my gut except for those times when my head takes over
I am principled and have strong beliefs except on those issues I don't give a jot about
I look after myself but only after looking after everyone else first
I am older than I was at 10 yet am somehow more child-like
I like to eat healthily but I guzzle chocolate and ice-cream like the world may run out of supplies
I like my life yet I want it to be more full
I love sleep yet I find it hard to achieve
I am a work in progress

Pregnancy update: 30 weeks

2011-08-17T14:33:00.003+09:30

Here we are, my little lion and me...he probably kicking the living daylights out of my ribcage....and we've hit 30 weeks. Yay us!

I had a Dr's appointment yesterday and the baby's going well (fundus on track, heartbeat good etc) but I'm really starting to struggle with the tiredness and soreness with my ostiotis pubis, and you know, a rather lively almost 3 year old. My blood pressure is quite low (the opposite to last time with the Bebito) and I'm having some really odd cramps as well as recurring bladder infections. People who've not had kids keep saying to me it must be easier the second time around - it isn't! - though I'm certainly not as focused on the pregnancy itself as I was last time. The Bebito isn't napping either but I'm still being quite focused on the "rest time".

The Dr tells me the main thing I need to do is rest which in all honesty, is not something I find easy to do. I will try and scale back on things and think I'll try and head to Mum's a day a week so as to share the parenting load with her but the reality is, if I want a clean floor, I've got to be the one to clean it. We don't have the resources to pay someone and the Mr just doesn't have the time with how much he works. I am however seriously considering hiring someone to clean our windows cos I am NOT getting up on a ladder!

With technically, around 8 weeks to go there are still a few things to finish off in the nursery, loads and loads of washing of baby clothes to do, a 3rd birthday to have, a Grandma unwell in hospital to visit with and remind how much we love, a High Tea with my favourite gal pals to have and lots of cooking to do to load up the freezer with meals for the first few weeks after coming home. Not to mention trying in some way to prepare my truly precious first born as to the changes that are about to happen in our lives. I've also received a few custom orders for the little shop and have my first stockist which is all very exciting. I'm also still teaching until the end of September.

Just quietly, I'm a little "over" answering questions about why I'm having a "planned" c-section. Seems to be the question du jour. I wouldn't be doing it if it weren't in my or the baby's best interest and am WAY tempted to tell people that I'm, "too posh to push." I have jokingly said of late that I fancy actually surviving the birth of my child and that's made people look at me like I'm on some kind of medication.

I'd love to hear your tips on how you managed with a small child, paid work, juggling a household and pregnancy if you have any!

Recipe Collection: Oat, Apple & Rhubarb Breakfast Muffins

2011-08-17T14:14:00.004+09:30

I have always been a super slack breakfast eater - I'll not start the day well without a coffee but I've never been a big breakfast eater. I do try to eat well during pregnancy though and have noticed my grumpy factor increase significantly by 9am if I haven't eaten though so I'm better than I have been before.

I do love a bit of muesli action - I ate bircher muesli for about the first 4 months of this pregnancy almost constantly and at any time of day but too much of a good thing is well, too much!

The Bebito and I whipped up a batch of the above muffins this morning. They're adapted from a Bill Granger Loaf recipe (the original being oat, pear and raspberry only) and I use a variety of different fruits in them depending on what we have to be used up. I'm a particular fan of adding rhubarb to them as they add a delicious tartness to them.

They are a tad fiddly but totally worth it as this mix makes 24 and I freeze them in twos for breakfast with a little yoghurt. We all love them. You could easily omit the topping if you wanted to make them a tad well, healthier but they're super yum with the topping on too.

Oat, Apple, Rhubarb & Raspberry Muffins adapted from Bill's Open Kitchen

topping:
25 g (1/4 cup) rolled oats
55 g (1/4 cup) brown sugar
2 tbsp plain all purpose flour
25 g (1 oz) chilled butter, cut into small pieces

cake:
100 g (1 cup) rolled oats
375 ml (1.5 cups) boiling water
150g unsalted butter, diced
115g (1/2 cup) brown sugar
55g (1/4 cup) caster sugar (fine granulated sugar)
2 eggs
1 tsp natural vanilla extract
185g (1.5 cups) all purpose flour
a pinch of sea salt
1 tsp baking powder
1 ripe apple, peeled cored and diced
3 small sticks of rhubarb, stringy bits peeled off and diced
60g (1/2 cup) raspberries, fresh or frozen

Preheat the oven to 180C. To make the topping, place all the ingredients into a bowl and rub the butter into the mixture with your fingertips until well incorporated and small clumps form.

To make the cake, place the oats into a bowl and pour over the boiling water. Stir and leave to cool until lukewarm. Cream the butter and sugars in a bowl until pale and creamy. Add the eggs, 1 at a time, beating well after each addition. Mix in the vanilla. Sift the flour, salt, and baking powder into the bowl. Drain any excess water off the oats. Add the oats to the mixture and fold to combine. Mix your chosen fruit(s) in without over-stirring. Add mixture to muffin pan, to about two thirds full. Spread the topping mixture out evenly over the top of

Bake for around 35 mins, or until a skewer inserted into the centre of the muffin comes out clean (*it should be look well browned and feel springy to the touch. If the muffins sink significantly while cooling, it is probably under-baked). Turn out onto a plate before quickly transferring to a wire rack with the topping facing upwards.

The loaf is actually lovely but I find it doesn't seem to stretch as far. It's a recipe that is served up at one of the most popular breakfast places at the Adelaide Central Market too.

Bebito's 3rd Birthday Party Mood Board

2011-08-16T08:06:00.003+09:30

The Bebito turns 3 at the end of next month. Not too sure where the last 3 years of my life have "gone" but it's nice to see this incredible little boy springing up in front of my eyes as a result of those 3 years!Given I'll only be a few weeks away from having B2, I'm not that keen on having anything 1. too fancy or 2. too much work for me in celebration. The only reason we're having anything at all is because a few people will be wanting to stop in to say hi and well, the boy needs a cake no? :)

Each year so far we've based the theme of his party around his favourite book at the time (see here and here for his 1st birthday and here for his 2nd) but he's more forthcoming with demands these days and has asked for a chocolate cake with cars on it and he doesn't really have a favourite book with cars in it so we're keeping it super simple. The Bebito's favourite meal is fish and chips so I'm going to make some up the weekend before all ready to cook on the day - the key being that they're crunchy of course! :)

We're inviting his 3 "best" little friends and 4 of his cousins, Grandma, Bako & an honorary Uncle which really, is a bit more than I wanted in itself but is what would make him really happy as they're all people he adores.

Here's the moodboard I've got going at the moment:
Cupcake wrappers - I'll serve the fish and chips for the little people in these I think
Car soaps - will order only red with a "clean cotton" scent
Custom designed (this is just a sketch) rubber stamp by Cupcake Tree for the invitations & thank-you notes
Car cookie cutters - to make the biscuits we do every year as party favours
Riley Blake wheels fabric - I have a small stash of this left and thought I might spruce up a plain tshirt for his birthday outfit with it
Automoblox minis - the Mr is going to make the cake this year and we thought we'd do a square cake with gingerbread on top that creates a race track. I'd like to give some fondant a go this year but we may yet do standard buttercream as we are used to working with it and it tastes really yum! These cool cars (we bought him some for Christmas too!) would top the cake and also form part of his gift.

And all without a Lightning McQueen in sight! Hurrah!

I'd love to know if you have any ideas or have found anything cool and car related in your travels.

Cooking with the Bebito: building memories

2011-08-15T10:10:00.009+09:30

This morning the Bebito and I whipped up a few things in the kitchen - a slow cooker meal for tonight, dinner for tomorrow (we're going to be out all day) and some chewy Anzac biscuits.

Food is a big deal around these parts. We spend A LOT of time, meal planning, budgeting, shopping, cooking, cleaning up and eating and I really want us all to be eating the best quality meals we can. The boys tend to our garden too though this winter we don't have much going on in it apart from a few herbs and a pumpkin vine. The Bebito isn't a fussy eater though he can be incredibly frustrating at meal times in terms of getting him to actually eat.

One of the things I have always wanted my children to understand is that food takes time to prepare and if he's going to have a "treat" I'd rather it be homemade so that I know exactly what goes in it.

Of late I've asked the Bebito to help me in the kitchen as much as possible so today he helped me make the curry paste, the coconut milk (store bought coconut milk gives me a belly ache for some reason) and grate things for tomorrow night's meal too. Anything that involves an electric kitchen gadget floats his boat big time so I use these things more often than I used to. Like most kids though he really does love baking....gingerbread biscuits and these Anzac biscuits being the two most requested items.

So here he is helping mix....
I've also learned to expect the unexpected....

And for him to run off and request a little TV watching instead of "helping you anymore Mama". Note the bomb that appears to have gone off in our lounge room! :)

And for there to be a lot of mess to clean up!

But that he still thinks it's "fun" to sweep up! :)

But most of all for him to be chomping at the bit to actually try the food fresh from the oven!

Anzac Biscuits -

Ingredients

1 cup (150g) plain flour
1 cup (90g) rolled oats
1 cup (85g) Ward McKenzie desiccated coconut
3/4 cup (155g) brown sugar
125g butter
2 tbs golden syrup
1 tsp bicarbonate of soda

Method

Preheat the oven to 160°C. Line two baking trays with non-stick baking paper. Sift the flour into a large bowl. Stir in the oats, coconut and brown sugar.
Put the butter, golden syrup and 2 tbs water in a small saucepan. Stir over a medium heat until melted. Stir in the bicarbonate of soda.
Pour the butter mixture into the flour mixture and stir until combined.
Roll level tablespoons of mixture into balls. Place on the trays, about 5cm apart.
Press with a fork to flatten slightly. Bake for 10 minutes or until golden brown.
Set aside on the trays for 5 minutes, then transfer to a wire rack so it cools completely.

I like to have some music going when we cook and this is the song du jour round these parts - an oldie but a goodie!

I love doing these kinds of things together as I think they're the building blocks of great memories, shared loves and well, an appreciation of yummy food.

And I just realised what a "tribute" to the lovely Gourmet Girlfriend this post is - I hope you see imitation as the highest form of flattery gorgeous Ruth!

Life & Lens Linky Love: Saatchi Exhibition

2011-08-10T15:01:00.004+09:30

I was lucky enough to be invited to a private tour of the Saatchi Exhibition last night and took some snaps of some of the great pieces that have made their way over from the super famous Saatchi Gallery of modern art (I am a modern art fan).

I got free passes to go back another time so when I have some time in the next month I'm sure going back to check it all out in more detail and when my feet aren't so swollen - ie. in the morning! :)

Why not share your happy snaps with the rest of the Creative Collective gang by linking up on today's post? I'd love to see what you've been up to!

Lessons in Mamahood #4000

2011-08-07T15:59:00.006+09:30

When my Mum held me for the first time she said she kissed my nose and knew I would be "ok" that I'd get through life standing on my own two feet because I already knew who I was and well, who I wasn't (just as important no?).

I've always been guided well by my inner voice....even when I was 15 and desperate to be loved by all and sundry I still didn't get swayed too much by what other's thought. When I became a Mama something screwed a little with that inner voice and somehow it got muffled but the voice came back strong about 6 months into the parenthood caper. I just know what's right for me and what's not and when I don't know I shove my hand high in the air and say, "I don't know" and discuss, research, contemplate, dwell and then decide on what works best for me/us.

Today we had a birthday party for the Bebito's gorgeous little friend who we see most often. We met through the Mum's Group chain and have become part of each other's lives since. To say the Bebito struggled with the party is an understatement. He's been like this at every single birthday party we've ever attended in his almost 3 years, including his own. It surprises me because he is SUCH a sociable little boy and is incredibly friendly but these situations throw him for an absolute six. And don't even get me started on how he reacts when people start singing, "Happy Birthday." Aye yay yay! So today there was tears, tantrums, solitary play, he even boycotted the HUGE jumping castle in the backyard. Not at all what I really expected from him.

I commented about this on twitter earlier today and it seems he's not the only child to be this way. Thanks lovelies for not making me feel silly! :)

All this got me to thinking though as I found myself incredibly stressed by my gorgeous little man's distress - the Bebito's inner voice is just as strong as mine. He was happily playing on his own until we tried to guide him to other activities. He honestly didn't care what the other kids were doing - he had a truck, several cars, duplo and a plane and he was content to play with those in another room in the house with less people. And as for sharing I don't know any almost 3 year old's who are great at it so those tantrums are normal so far as I can see. So long as he was asked to share or swap he was great. In hindsight rather than asking him to do something other than what he was keen on doing we should have just let him go. He was having a good time quietly getting on with playing most of the time and we wanted him to conform to the birthday party norms of singing and eating cake, none of which he was keen on (seriously, he refused cake!). Sometimes the hardest thing for me to do as a Mama is just to well, relax - actually sometimes the hardest thing for me to do IN LIFE is to relax. It's a timely reminder that my little man is his very own person and should be allowed to be that brilliant, clever, wonderful, loving little soul in his own way and maybe with a tad less interference from his parents!

Me in song....

2011-08-06T08:01:00.000+09:30

I freaking LOVE this so much that I can't even put words around it. It was one of my favourite songs ever before this amazing collaboration.

Happy Saturday my lovelies.

Limitations

2011-08-05T15:04:00.004+09:30

I've been thinking a lot lately about limitations, inspired by a truly wonderful 11 year old boy and his Mama in particular. It's funny how these messages are there when you're most ready to receive them isn't it?

I'm usually the one to say, oh stuff it, let's aim for the stars and if we fail that's ok cos we tried our best but I'm also the one to beat myself up if I don't reach the stars to begin with.

A few things have happened lately to have me reflecting on this - firstly, toilet training the Bebito round 2 proper didn't go well. Lots of people told me to persevere for weeks on end but lots of people are not 28 weeks pregnant with a paying job to do as well and lots of people don't have the instinct that I do that he well, just isn't ready despite his age. It was hard for me to make the decision to step back on that when I'm in direct disagreement from my Mum (yes, I have issues!) but at the end of the day the Mr and I both agreed to stop making an issue of it and be guided by what we think is right at this time. So, we've stepped it back to a few hours a day rather than full on training and we'll see how it goes.

The other thing that has me thinking about my limitations is that I still have the same expectations of what I can achieve in my day/week/month/life that I did before I grew this enormous belly out the front of me. Frankly, I'm exhausted by these expectations of myself.

The third thing is our increasingly severe financial constraints. I used to shop my way out of problems back in the day. I recognise the stupidity of this now but we are literally still paying for bad decisions we made and though we had fun when we should have been saving we well, didn't. I hesitate to whine about this as we are what I'd refer to as "middle-class-poor" - our income is good but hell, so is our debt.

I don't like not being super-girl. I don't like admitting to failings. I don't like not being able to achieve what I want to achieve. I don't want to slow down because of pregnancy or be limited by financial constraints or by my child's temperament or readiness. I want things the way I want them dammit! I want to throw a tantrum about all these things so that I can bend the world to my will.....and yet, I realise in my heart of hearts that all of this is petulant and futile that ultimately I'm trying to place controls around things that aren't actually controllable.

There's a reason I have created the above painting and feature it prominently in our lounge - to remind myself to live my life with "grace" - to move forward to a place of peace, acceptance and understanding well, my own limitations. And so, there will be a recognition around these parts of what I can and can't do, the demanding of more help and the acceptance that it's just not possible for me to do it all and be it all. Why do I think I'll be the hardest person to convince on all of this? :)

Creative Collective August Project: Life & Lens

2011-08-01T08:20:00.005+09:30

Over at the Creative Collective blog we've announced our new project for August - Life & Lens.

We'd love for you to join in by way of putting in a link every Wednesday at the Creative Collective blog. I know a lot of you play along with Wordless Wednesday and on instagram (err, I play along a little too actively there sometimes!) so it'd be truly wonderful to have you link up to this project too.

Pop on over to the Creative Collective blog to read the details and to grab a button to say you're playing along!

Happy snapping - I can't wait to see what you share.

Confessions of (this) Pregnant Mama

2011-07-27T14:41:00.004+09:30

And so, here I am, 27 weeks pregnant.

I know how blessed I am to have a gorgeous, happy, secure almost 3 year old and to have a new little man on the way. I have a husband who loves me and who, though occasionally I wish to stab with a fork, I love more today than when I married him 10 years ago. We have created a family, designed a life. I have some wonderful friends, both in real life and in my "virtual" life with you too. I have SO much to be thankful for....and I am, really, VERY thankful.

But...

and you knew there was a but right?

I have a confession. I don't actually like being pregnant. I don't much "get" babies either but really, it's the pregnant thing that doesn't sit well with me. The nausea, the indigestion, the sore pelvis keeping me awake at night, the insomnia, the swelling and though I find it comforting to know I have a healthy baby growing I find the squishy-feeling of the kicks, well, disconcerting. The tears, the lack of tolerance, the darn hormones racing through me...the wanting to eat but not wanting to eat at the same time. It's just not enjoyable for me at all. The bad skin too....the not being able to paint my toenails a pretty shade of Chanel pink that I love (Organdy if you care to know) cos I can't lean over like that without feeling like I'm not able to breathe. Not being able to pick up my son and squish him to bits in the way he loves. It's all so frustrating and unenjoyable for me. Then there's the bad mental head space it brings me some days.

I know people who glowed throughout their pregnancies and I am insanely jealous of those types of people....truly, I'm not more jealous of anyone than of these types of women. I cannot explain properly how guilty this makes me feel. That this makes me the worst kind of mother. That it means I've failed as a woman in my only real biological "duty". But no matter how hard I try, I am not one of them. I don't feel soul connected with my babies as they grow - I didn't with the Bebito and I don't now either. I feel like I'm excluded from membership of a special club by not enjoying this process. I feel, well, wretched. That's the best word to describe it, wretched - as in wicked, awful, not worthy.

The only thing that makes me feel better about all of this is that I do love being a Mama to an actual small person. That I know I'll love this baby so much I would do anything to protect him, just like I do with his big brother.

And so, there it is, this awful secret of mine laid bare....

Our little city is growing: Craft Project with the Bebito

2011-07-22T08:18:00.001+09:30

It's not often I get super dooper excited about a craft project the Bebito and I do together but we have started building our own little city around this fabulous Autobahn Tape which was a stocking filler last Christmas.

In spite of my best efforts to give him exposure to all manner of toys and activities the Bebito's a very typical little boy in loving his cars, trucks, planes, trains, "emergency vehicles" etc. Transportation is the go at ours apparently! It's fascinating to see what children are naturally drawn to.

I pulled the tape out the other day (I am one to put away half the toys gifted at Christmas and birthday time for a rainy day!) and taped together some cardboard so we can shift it around the house and started with just a "dual carriageway" which I must admit kept him pretty happy for a few days.

Then I drew up some trees, traffic lights, flower beds and road signs which the Bebito then coloured in as he desired on some thicker paper stock. I taped them to brown card and cut them out and reinforced them with upright bits of card to make them stand up straight.

He absolutely LOVES his little road and we are going to make it grow more and more over time with the Mr building a play table for us all (he's a really excellent illustrator my Mr!) that we'll varnish. I like the modular nature of this as it means new things are happening all the time to keep the Bebito interested and I especially love that it's a family activity too.

Things I'm learning: In pursuit of happiness

2011-07-21T10:15:00.004+09:30

As part of the Snail Mail project with the Creative Collective I was blessed enough to receive a package from the wonderful Jana Miller who included this little cushion/doorstop with a supremely important quote for me.

Sometimes I get so caught up in the doing, the running, the organising (seriously, one of the Bebito's favourite phrases at the moment is, "Is it all organised yet?"), the achieving that I totally and absolutely forget to just well, BE!

I am one of those tidy desk/tidy mind types so unless I feel like things are semi-under-control I really find it hard to switch off my mind. I speak often of my total control freak tendencies and I know this is part of it. It's why the, "sleep when the baby's sleeping" advice never rang true for me when the Bebito was a bubba. Sleep? Are you kidding? Do you KNOW how much I need to do???

So now, I try to fit a bit of everything into my day....chores, work, play time with the Bebito, rest time for myself and at least 10 minutes quiet time where I collect my thoughts. That's the plan anyway but it's not always that easy.

Recent posts by my friends Megan here and Zoey here have really struck a chord with me, as a lot of their posts do.

When I found out I was pregnant this time around my first reaction was to be totally and 1 bazillion percent scared - I cried. More than I did when we found out the Bebito was going to be part of our lives. These were not happy tears and then I felt guilty about the lack of happy tears because pregnancy, new babies, they are a real blessing and who on earth am I to be such an ingrate? BUT at the same time I knew that I suffered with ante-natal depression with the Bebito as well as possibly PND too and I am not a great pregnant woman. I couldn't let it all fall apart with a toddler to take care of as well. So I did what I usually do, wallowed for a day in this cloud and then decided on a plan of attack....to get organised in my approach to life in terms of structuring things in to be done (satisfying my inner cf) but at the same time, to just try and let it be what it was. This is SO hard for me to do. I'll never be a go with the flow kinda gal, I'm not wired that way but structured spontaneity is an approach that suits me and my boys as well. The advice of my other gorgeous friend Tamara was to just let go of what wasn't possible that day and I really have tried to do this so that when B2 arrives I know I'll be somewhat prepared for the chaos of a newborn entering the house.

And so all of this means that there's a slowing down around these parts, an admission that not all is possible, that the things that matter are the people in our lives, that we need to make time to do the things we all love to do and these things are different for all of us. That sometimes we are not our best selves but that as long as we try and love one another as openly as we can then we are honouring each other and our selves too.

I really feel that sometimes when you make a decision that is intrinsically "right" the universe has a way of showing that you're on the right track. And so, on Tuesday afternoon as I snuggled into the Bebito's bed to read books together he rested his head on my shoulder and I drank in every part of the moment, knowing with absolute certainty that it was one of the happiest hours of my 36 years on this planet.

Lucky, lucky, lucky me.

Shoes fabulous shoes: a review

2011-07-21T09:29:00.008+09:30

Let me say from the outset that I'm a shoe gal. I LOVE shoes....LOVE! Shoes have been a lifelong love of mine from the shiny red (cherry, ruby - the redder the better) Mary-Janes I preferred as a small girl to an absolute obsession with them in my days as a kind-of-career-gal. For me, it's always the shoes that make the outfit. At one stage I owned well over 40 pairs of shoes. The first blog I ever truly loved was Manolo's Shoe Blog - good gracious is that blog hilarious. I even had a question of mine posted there once which is still one of the highlights of my online life. I once had the flower on my favourite pair of pink faux crocodile pumps fall off of one of the shoes and I may have cried about it for a few hours (dramatic much? I'd make a terrible Buddhist - I get way too attached to material things).

So, when the lovely folks at Westfield (and seriously, they ARE lovely!) asked if I wanted to try out their online shoe shopping service I couldn't reply fast enough. Shopping, online, shoes - yes thank you very much (no, really, thank you very much Westfield).

I was asked to choose a pair of shoes up to a certain value and try out the online shopping experience over at the women's shoe department here.

My darling Mum was visiting on the day I ordered and it was just as fun as shopping together at the store - except I didn't have to worry about keeping the Bebito entertained with matchbox cars and all manner of snacks and asking him to sit down in his stroller - you know the type of thing that means us Mama types long for child-free shopping experiences? Instead the Bebito coloured in whilst we looked at all the gorgeous options available.

The search function in the shoe department allows you to narrow down your selection by style (flats in this case), type (ballerina), price (less than $100), colour (any), store (again, any) - and well over 100 options presented themselves. It was easy then to scroll through and find the ones I liked the look of and check them out in greater detail. I finally settled on the lovely ones pictured above from Mollini. My only pair of black ballet flats are really not that comfy and I have been meaning to buy another pair for ages. Ballet flats and my chuck taylor converse sneakers are by far the shoes with the highest rotation in my Mama wardrobe and even more so in pregnancy.

They arrived by courier delivery within a few days and suffice to say I was super excited. They look even nicer IRL than they do online and the leather is super dooper soft and comfy.

My hesitation in buying shoes online (more so than clothes) has always been that you need to try them on for fit but the experience here is made all the easier by the inclusion of a return envelope that means you can exchange them very easily indeed....and this return option is actually free. Win no?

And here are my new shoes on my lily white feet ...

Overall, I'd really recommend the online shoe shopping experience with Westfield. The total time it took for me to find and shop for these shoes was less than the time it would have taken me to get to my local Westfield and back (which is about 15 minutes away). I'll be exploring the rest of the Westfield online shopping experience in the months to come.

Please note: I received the pair of shoes pictured above in exchange for this review but I think you know me well enough to know I would be honest in my review of any such service.

What's your best tip: the well errr....poo catcher sitch (as my Mr would say)

2011-07-19T13:37:00.004+09:30

Training pants by Super Skivvies - aren't they just gorgeous with the lobsters?

I totally promise not to turn this into a blog all about baby things or poo (I have a post about shoes tomorrow I promise!) but I'm keen to get your advice again.

Two things:

1. The toilet training situation

and

2. The cloth nappy situation

I'm contemplating both ... again ....

When we moved things around furniture wise on the weekend we made the decision to move the change table to the nursery. Two reasons - 1. space for the Bebito in his room and 2. as a psychological shift for the Bebito who I tried toilet training with ages ago but didn't take to it. I actually think we may try again next week. This time I've got a medium sized etch-a-sketch for him to play with solely on the loo. I've got mixed feelings about rewards charts but am not totally opposed to the idea of them either. I've read so much about toilet training now that it's all morphed in to one so I'd love to hear your ideas of what worked for your little people. The Bebito is starting to recognise finally when he's going in his nappy and I'm happy to give it a good run. In particular, I'm wondering how many days you would give it before abandoning and trying again?

I'm also seriously considering the move to cloth nappies for B2 but I'm so confused by what is out there and don't really know where to even start looking. A few years back I looked at them in detail at the Parents & Babies expo but decided that it was all too hard. I don't want to fall back on that excuse again. I'd love to know if you have a brand or style that you have used and really liked and just how it works with cleaning them etc. and is it really a cost saver? Are there any nice "boy" nappies out there anyway? All the sweet ones I've seen have been girly. What difference does it make to the bulk under clothes, if any. So, you know, basically anything at all you can tell me!

And hopefully this will be my last ever post related to anything poo-y. :)

Bebito's Big Boy Room....& the Nursery too

2011-07-18T13:26:00.005+09:30

This weekend we shipped the Bebito off for a night at Grandma's and worked our bottoms off to get his big boy room and the nursery all sorted. I was up literally before dawn on Sunday and even did some shifting about on Saturday night when we got home from date night. We've had to be creative in our thinking of where to put things in the house (all my craft stuff is now in a book case in our room and my work stuff in a bookcase in the hallway) in lieu of the extra room that hasn't mushroomed up in our backyard unfortunately.

Anyway, we moved the HUGE Expedit unit that had been in our formal dining/my workspace in to the Bebito's room and it's brilliant for storage in there. So, here's view 1 of Bebito's room:

Please note, I detest the Winnie the Pooh and Tigger table and chair set but it was a gift and I've not found an easily solution for covering it over.

And view 2

The nursery was my formal dining room/workspace and is actually my favourite room in the house - I love the feel of it - and I was very sad to let go of it as an adult space. So here's view 1:

Plaster work still needs to go up around the door frame and my Grandma is making a curtain for the door too. Here's view 2 though I've already changed the picture (painted by me) to be on the wall above the change table and put one of my stitched pieces above the cot. The piece on the fireplace is a Mark Rothko (my favourite modern artist) and I think I'll keep it in there though it's not technically baby-ish.

Here's a very happy Bebito in his big boy bed. He slept quite well in it on the first night and my usually quite smart boy hasn't worked out that he can jump in and out of bed on his own yet so has still been calling for us when he needs something - as he did last night when he woke a few times disoriented. He's totally in love with the cloud lamp (all hail IKEA) and loves his quilt cover especially.
I have some finishing touches to do to both rooms, especially with accessories, but I'm really thrilled with how it's turned out, especially given our minimal budget.

There's 12 weeks to go-ish before B2 arrives and I'm happy and relieved to have gotten organised this far in advance.

Recipe Collection: Pumpkin Whoopie Pies with Cream Cheese Icing

2011-07-12T13:34:00.004+09:30

As I watched Dani attempt to put those whoopie pies together on Sunday night's episode of Masterchef I knew instantly I wanted to try making them. As pumpkin is so cheap at the mo and I'm totally out of cocoa powder I thought I'd whip up a batch of pumpkin ones with the Bebito's assistance - he's quite the little helper these days and enjoys tipping the ingredients in to the bowl and mixing too.

Here's the recipe I used though I wanted cream cheese icing not the meringue-y one in the recipe given.

Ingredients

2 cups packed brown sugar
1 cup vegetable oil
1 1/2 cups pumpkin puree (I microwaved mine for 10 mins and then used the hand held wizzer to puree it - like making baby food!)
2 eggs
3 cups all-purpose flour
1 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon baking powder
1 teaspoon baking soda
1 teaspoon vanilla extract
1 1/2 tablespoons ground cinnamon
1/2 tablespoon ground ginger
1/2 tablespoon ground cloves

Cream cheese icing

125g cream cheese, softened
2 tablespoons icing sugar mixture
1 teaspoon lemon or lime juice

Directions

Preheat oven to 175 degrees C. Lightly grease baking sheets - I actually used Multix baking paper and nearly always do.
Combine the oil and brown sugar. Mix in the pumpkin and eggs, beating well. Add the flour, salt, baking powder, baking soda, 1 teaspoon vanilla, cinnamon, ginger and cloves. Mix well.
Drop dough by heaping tablespoons onto the prepared baking sheets. Bake for 10 to 12 minutes. Let cookies cool then make sandwiches from two cookies filled with the mixed cream cheese filling.

Attempt not to eat more than 1.....seriously delicious stuff!

I actually froze half the biscuit/cakes that this made and it made 8 "pies" with a generous serve of filling in each with around the same amount in the freezer for another day (with no filling).

Happy baking!

Bebito's Big Boy Room Mood Board

2011-07-09T09:24:00.001+09:30

In a case of being the world's slackest parents we are yet to move the Bebito to a single bed and over the next couple of weeks we'll be doing that.

Today over at the Creative Collective blog I'm sharing the mood board I have - check it out if you like and PLEASE share any tips you may have. I'm keen on a rocket/space/star theme especially with a healthy splash of Oliver Jeffers! :)

Happy Saturday!

New product range: Embroidered children's art

2011-07-08T08:17:00.005+09:30

I'm attending a really small market tonight at a local kindy - I had a stash of goodies from my previous market (meaning less prep work!) and my sister-in-law who makes cards, poster-y type of goodies as well as custom invitations was already having a table so invited me to come along.

I've been thinking of creating something special for the shop and in particular of stitching some pieces of special art created by little people for a little while and voila, here it is!

I'll put a listing up in my madeit and etsy stores later today or tomorrow if I get time but I'm struggling to find the right words to describe a fully customisable piece in a listing!

Pieces will start, unframed, at $30 each and I'm imagining they'd make great Father's Day, Mother's Day and Christmas gifts, especially for Grandparents.

The pictures above are a Bebito/Mama original and it's of Grandma's House - the bit on top is a "very large chimney" and of course off to the side is a tree. I think he's quite the little artiste for his age. :)

For more info on the pieces pop over to the Facebook page which I keep only for things related to the stores and I'd really appreciate if you could spread the word!

Much love,

Book Friday: Bebito's Edition - Nicolas, where have you been?

2011-07-08T06:10:00.007+09:30

We grabbed this book, Nicolas, where have you been? from the library on the weekend and it is such a delight I had to share it with you.

Originally published in 1987 it has a great "moral" around not judging a group by the behaviour of one member of the group. The catch cry of "down with the birds" has repeated ad infinitum by the Bebito but so have a number of the elements around making friends with others - especially how Nicolas makes friends with the supposed "enemy" birds. Lots of interesting discussion points have come up as a result of this book. Some of the pictures are a bit spooky so I'd be careful about sharing this story with younger children, particularly a gruesome "war" page in the middle which we've just skipped over to date, but for older toddlers and small children this is a great choice.

Happy reading!

My Creative Space: Caterpillar Art Project - a photo essay of sorts...

2011-07-07T07:19:00.007+09:30

I'm playing along with Our Creative Spaces for the first time in ages this week. As the weather has been decidedly stormy around these parts I've been looking for more fun indoor activities that the Bebito and I. We've been painting, play doh-ing, puzzle-ing and yesterday I thought we'd give a totally new project a go.

First up, I mixed up some "paint" with some food colouring, cornflour past it's use by date and some water. It took me a while to get the consistency right but it was kind of fun and let's face it, a whole lot cheaper than what Crayola provide. :)

Then I chopped a pear in half to make a "stamp" and let the Bebito go wild. He actually almost had more fun pretending the pear was a boat in the paint than stamping with it. I'd tried potato stamping earlier in the week and as we only have new potatoes he got frustrated very quickly with how small they were so I went with a large piece of fruit this time (and saved the other half for afternoon tea!).

The thing I didn't realise in advance about food dye was that it's hard to wash out - so I received advice from my fabulous friend Natalie that warm soapy water would do the trick. I had the bright idea of using the Bebito's old bath and filling it so he could play with his boat and kill two birds with one stone. I must admit to a little smugness as to my genius idea. I had my come uppence very quickly though!

About 15 minutes later the Bebito tipped the contents over the (very recently mopped!!!!) floor - I'd say 10 litres of water were on the floor and it proved a little difficult to mop up so I let the Bebito splash about in the puddles (he had THE best fun!) as I grabbed towels galore to mop up the mess. It took me about an hour to clean up the spill and safe to say I was exhausted but I had a very happy toddler on my hands!

After the paint dried I used a sharpie and drew in the legs, eyes and antennae on the caterpillar. The Bebito thinks this creation truly marvellous and hell, it's a good story if nothing else!

I'm certainly no expert on these things but here's what I've learned about doing art projects with my toddler:

don't announce you'll be doing the project until everything is set up and ready to go
for minimal Mama panic, set up the clean up first - have chux and warm water on hand etc as well as a broom or mop
we previously had white material covered chairs in our meals area and since replacing them with the leather chairs I've found my "relax" factor increase 10 fold - they're so easy to wipe clean!
I've had to make the conscious decision to relax about what the final product is - expecting a particular outcome from the Bebito is often what results in him being frustrated and tantrums happen as a result

To be inspired by other projects pop on over to check them out here

Family Favourite Recipes: Spinach & Ricotta Cannelloni

2011-07-04T18:51:00.008+09:30

DISCLAIMER: Spinach & ricotta anything is a favourite of mine but this dish is flavoursome enough for the Mr to enjoy it and this makes enough for us to have at least 2 family size meals and a lunch meal for the Bebito and I.

I'll be honest, this is a little bit of work but it's worth it and it looks like more work on paper than it does in reality. I've tried LOADS of recipes and this is my version which is the best I've tried in all honesty. :)

Ingredients:
2 knobs of butter
olive oil

2 cloves of garlic, crushed
herbs - fresh is best in my opinion but seriously, dry is all good - I'd say grab any herbs you like the taste of but a mix of woody (ie. rosemary or thyme) and basil is best. If using fresh grab a couple of handfuls and roughly chop them. If using dried I'd use 2 tablespoons of mixed herbs - personally I love thyme and sage in this mix.
a bit of grated nutmeg
heaped teaspoon of paprika
1 packet of frozen spinach, defrosted
2 x 400g tins of plum tomatoes, chopped
200mls water
tablespoon balsamic
salt & pepper to taste
300g fresh ricotta cheese
1 egg
2 handfuls of freshly grated Parmesan cheese
2 packets instant cannelloni tubes - you'll need more than one packet but not quite 2 - I'm partial to the Italian brands but anything you get is fine
200g mozzarella, - our deli slices it for us but grated is good too

The cheesey sauce to top it:

1 anchovy chopped (trust me!)
2 tablespoons of butter
2 tablespoons of flour
100 ml of milk
100 ml of cream
large handful of parmesan
small handful of mozzarella

Method:

Preheat the oven to 180ºC.

If you have a long element on your stove top (sorry, I have NO idea what one of those is called) grab a heatproof baking dish and put it on a medium heat over that element. If you don't, then just pop a deep-ish large-ish frying pan over a medium heat. Add butter, a lug of olive oil and the crushed garlic. Leave to heat slightly. Then add your herbs, nutmeg and paprika. Saute slightly until garlic is a bit soft. Then add the spinach and saute for around 5 mins to cook through. Then place the spinach into a large bowl and leave to cool.

Place the pan back on the heat, add a little olive oil and the tinned tomatoes, balsamic and water and bring to the boil. Lower the heat, add a pinch of salt and pepper and simmer for about 10 minutes. Remove from heat. .

Add the ricotta, egg and a handful of the Parmesan to the spinach mixture. Spoon or pipe into the cannelloni tubes, ensuring that eat which is quite full without any air pockets. Place the filled cannelloni over the tomato sauce. Top with the mozzarella - reserving a small handful for the cheesy sauce.

Now it's time to get on with making your cheesey sauce. Half melt the butter in a small saucepan. Add the anchovy, ensuring it dissolves as much as possible. When butter is melted add the flour and make a roux - cook off for a minute til it all comes together nicely. Then add the cream and milk slowly so that the flour doesn't clump. When all the liquid is added put in your cheese, melt and then pour on top of the cannelloni.

Bake for about 20 to 25 minutes until it bubbles and goes that yummy brown we love seeing - but if you're putting it straight in the freezer I recommend only cooking it for 15 minutes and then cooking it through further when you defrost and reheat in the oven.

Serve with a yummy green salad. Try not to overeat it! :)

A happy customer!

If you give it a try I'd love to know how you go with it!

Happy eating!

Creative Collective July Project: Time to Finish

2011-07-01T08:47:00.001+09:30

This month's Creative Collective project is one I think even you supposedly non-crafty/non-creative types can jump on board. It's time to finish something you started - I don't mind when you started it but hey, we all have a project we began and abandoned along the way!

For more details pop on over to the Creative Collective blog - read all the details and grab the lovely little linky button to show you're playing along. I'd love for you to join in!

Cheers,

Waiting for the magic....

2011-06-30T10:39:00.005+09:30

Wand, crown & cape set by one of my fave stores, pilosale

As a little girl I loved Enid Blyton stories, Alice in Wonderland, Roald Dahl....all the escapist fantasy I could get my hands on really. Not that a small child needs help with escaping but I think you know what I mean.

As a "grown up" the type of books I like to read aren't like this but they do transport me to another wold so are a form of escapism.

Lately though, in small part thanks to worries and pregnancy insomnia I've been thinking more and more about bring that magic, that escape into my everyday life. I'm restless and a little sad and feel a lot of pressure - financial especially. In reality, if I weren't having another baby later in the year I'd really have had to consider taking an additional paid job. It's not very good manners to talk about money is it but that's my reality and it's worrying me. And so at 4am after resettling the Bebito and laying in bed for an hour wishing myself back to sleep, I kept thinking about why I feel so restless and what I can do to bring back a little magic into my internal world. When I worry about things I can't help but be consumed by them - I'm not good at letting things bubble away and take their own time (that's what control freaks are about I know!) to work out. I also get this feeling of restlessness every 6 months or so - I know it's a time to sit back, take stock and find a way forward....I'm waiting for the magic to find a way back to me or more importantly, for me to find my way back to the magic.

What's your best tip: things for baby #2

2011-06-28T15:58:00.004+09:30

Cloud Mobile - Madeleine Sargent - I LOVE!

When I found out we were having another little boy blue I was a teeny bit relieved....I know little boys and hell, the Bebito has some lovely things we get to reuse.

There are a few things I need to buy with this second little person - a new car seat for Bebito and the like but what I really want to know is what did you find you needed most when your second and subsequent little people arrived? Bebito hated the sling idea and being wrapped so I never had either of those in abundance and I'd like to try to collect some of them...I know I need new bottles (can you believe even 3 years ago bottles weren't BPA free on the whole?) but stuffed if I know what else I need.

As I'll be having a "planned" c-section (well planned by way of wanting to you know, live through the whole experience!) I know I'll be having B2 at 38 weeks and at this stage he'll be smaller than Bebito who wasn't exactly large at just on 3 kgs full term. I'm wondering if it's worth grabbing a few more 0000 outfits. What do people gift you for second babies anyway? I don't want to buy "stuff" for the sake of it after all!

Do you have any tips? Please do share! Even if you haven't had more than one bubba I'd love to know the things you found the most useful with your first.

Cars 2 Family Pass Giveaway Winner

2011-06-27T08:12:00.004+09:30

Thanks to those of you who entered the Cars 2 Family Pass Giveaway - so many of my favourite lovelies commented that I was pleased for any one of you to win but on this occasion the winner is the really lovely: Ali @ Mummahh who said her favourite movie as a child was Pete's Dragon - not one I'm familiar with and shall have to check out.

An email is coming your way Ali!

Cheers,

Dear "Somebody Else"

2011-06-24T08:19:00.004+09:30

Yesterday on my way to pilates I cam across a dead dove on the footpath. It looked as if the bird fallen out of the tree it had been sitting in and died. I was in fact struck by the look of peace on it's face. It clearly stuck with me but I did nothing more than walk past the bird. After class I walked along the same footpath and "somebody" had moved the bird to the side of the path. Silently, I thanked that "somebody". I'll never be the somebody who moves the bird. In all honesty it hadn't even occurred to me to move the bird.

This incident got me to thinking though. A lot of times in life we consciously and subconsciously decide to leave things to other people to deal with. I my everyday life I am very often that "somebody else" but way of the fact that I'm home to deal with all the things that pop up. And deal I do. The Mr was recently stuck in Melbourne thanks to volcanic ash and I know he did so without a second thought as to if I'd be ok cos I'm a "coper". In reality I'm his "somebody else" most of the time. That's ok most of the time cos he's the "somebody else" who sets the mousetraps and mows the lawns.

It's more than that though, like many of you I watched the SBS documentary "Go Back to Where You Came From" with horror, dread, tears and fascination. It was never going to change my view on refugees or boat people which I've blogged about before but to see the journey unfold in the way it did made it the most important TV I've ever watched. Compassion fatigue is easy to get - there are SO many things to care about in this world. For me though, I can't leave this entirely to "somebody else" to deal with....and so, I'll be investigating ways that I can can contribute to bettering this situation. I shall, be using my minimal and soft voice in every way I can and not leave this one to "somebody else".

We each have a role to play, a voice to use, something to contribute and I truly feel we have to sometimes have to be that "somebody else" ourselves.

ps. sorry I had a pretty image all ready but my laptop is playing up

Ten random things about me ....

2011-06-22T09:12:00.004+09:30

Hello cards via Third Street Paper Co.

1. I can't stand drinking tap water - yes, I CAN taste the difference.

2. I can barely swim.

3. Breakfast is the meal I skip the most but the one I like to eat out for the most too - I'll never make eggs florentine at home.

4. I LOVE scarves. All kinds of scarves, I just love them. The Mr once gave away a whole bag of treasured scarves to St Vinnies and I cried.

5. I never played with dolls as a child - books were more interesting.

6. I have a newly discovered obsession with a yummy pear variety called d'anjou.

7. Like my Mum, I break handbags very quickly - they barely last 6 months in my hands if on high rotation. It's an expensive habit!

8. I like pastel and muted colours - brights aren't really my thing except red which I adore.

9. I don't really believe in star signs and yet I somehow read them anyway and seem to fit into the profile of being a typical Taurean.

10. If we were going to be having a girl this time I wanted to name her Elodie .... but the Mr kybosh-ed it. :(

I'd love to know some random things about you.....

Cars 2: want to win a family pass?

2011-06-19T10:36:00.001+09:30

The lovely PR team at Disney have sent me, the Mr, our nephew and the Bebito off to see the Cars 2 Preview screening this very morning. Since our pass arrived earlier in the week the Bebito has asked me every hour if it's Sunday morning yet?

I must admit that I'm not that keen on the Bebito being into "licenced" things (I saw a study ages ago that spooked me out about this) but we haven't been able to avoid them entirely and Lightning McQueen and friends are a firm favourite around here. It'll be nice to have some new characters to hear about non-stop from the Bebito anyway! :)

The Disney team have also given me an in-season family pass (admit 4) to give away to one of you. Hurrah!

All you have to do to win is leave me a comment below saying what your favourite movie was as a kid.

'kay, the rules:
- comp open until 5pm ACST (that's Adelaide time) next Sunday 26th May
- I'll select the winner using random number generator
- sorry, it's only open to Australian residents

Book Friday: After the Fall

2011-06-17T08:04:00.002+09:30

I haven't posted a book Friday update in a very long time....mainly because the last two books prior to the one I'm writing about today bored me to tears and I kept going at them for far longer than I should have (I'm looking at you Wolf Hall and The Elegance of the Hedgehog).

So, I skipped on over to read After the Fall which was actually gifted to me by Kylie Ladd quite a while ago. I follow Kylie and sometimes chat to her on twitter. I was expecting to like this book but I read half of it in one afternoon and it took me less than 2 weeks to read which is saying something....what I'm saying is that I adored this book. The first line, which I shan't ruin for those of you who decide to read it, had me gasping for air....literally, I gasped at the impact of the statement and the story just takes off from there.

The subject, infidelity, may be uncomfortable for some but is far removed from my experience of love and marriage to be ok with me. I really like how there's a lack of judgement about each of the characters, just insight into their lives, their thoughts, their feelings. In a way this book reminded me of Revolutionary Road in it's honest portrayal of marriage and the people within two specific marriages but unlike Revolutionary Road I liked the characters and was cheering for them all to find happiness in the end.

A thoroughly fabulous read which I was absolutely due after the last few ho-hum reads I've had.

Ski Activ: 14 Day Challenge

2011-06-16T14:10:00.002+09:30

My delivery of yoghurty goodness

Please note this is a sponsored post.

I was recently invited to participate in the 14 day challenge by the makers of Ski^® Activ^® - you may have seen the ads on TV featuring Kate Ritchie. You can read about the challenge in much more professional terms by visiting the official website

I must admit that in addition to apples and bircher muesli, yoghurt is my absolute pregnancy obsession so I was keen on taking part in the challenge the minute the word yoghurt was mentioned. The idea behind the challenge is that you eat a tub of the Ski Activ yoghurt every day for 2 weeks and it'll assist in making you feeling, well, less blah in the belly though the marketing team at Ski Activ officially calls it "relief from digestive discomfort such as feeling sluggish or weighed down". They also offer a money back guarantee if you don't feel better after taking the challenge - quite the recommendation really.

I was particularly interested in this product because my GP whose my primary carer during pregnancy recommended I look at prebiotics in order to keep my belly as healthy as possible. I'm easily prone to stomach upsets and she said that prebiotics are all the rage in Europe and are supposed to help immensely, especially when combined with probiotics. I've not found an easily available product with prebiotics in it to date and this yoghurt contains both pre and probiotics.

I loved the taste of the yoghurt - though I'm admittedly only a fan of the vanilla as I'm a bit of a fuss pants with my fruit - I'm a tad boring like that! And yes, I did feel less bloated at the end of the challenge. The key question being, "Would I buy this product ?" And the answer being, "Err, yep I would!"

Thanks to the team at Ski Activ for asking me to try and review their product.

My two boys...

2011-06-15T14:35:00.004+09:30

Bebito #2 (is it wrong to nickname him B2??) blowing bubbles at our scan last week

Bebito #1 amusing fellow train passengers on his way to the museum

We had our big scan last week and we're having another Bebito....I shared the news on twitter almost immediately but not all of you play along there and I realised I'd been remiss in sharing here too. All is looking great - B2 is healthy and happy and has the same lips as his big brother though in utero at least a much longer face (more like me). At the same scan with the Bebito I was told he was a girl and I was desperate for a girl at the time but this time around I really just wanted a healthy baby more than hoping for a specific gender. We took the Bebito with us to the scan and he was alternately fascinated by what he saw on the screen and asking the technician questions about what she was doing to his Mama. So sweet.

B2's kicks are strong and fast and he responds most of all when Bebito is at his cheekiest - something he's been quite a lot lately - it's like he's taken energy pills which let me assure you he did not need!

We are in the process of emptying out our dining room and making it into a third bedroom but the process is taking time. I'm so impatient with these types of things! We think we'll actually move the Bebito into that room and really make a big deal of how "pretty" it looks to him to sell the whole process & also finally get that big boy bed (thanks to Natalie of tiny and little for helping me find precisely what I wanted).

I also started pilates classes for this gosh awful pelvis pain that sees me bed ridden not long after the Bebito goes to bed and so far it's helping immensely. I think I'm in love with pilates though!

21 weeks now and I can't help but wonder what the next 19 or so weeks have in store for us let alone the years as a family after that.

What's your best tip: Toddler "rest" time?

2011-06-07T10:56:00.005+09:30

We are at THAT place...you know, the one where the Bebito only naps 2 or 3 days a week if I'm lucky. The worst of it is that when he doesn't nap he's not actually ready for bed any earlier in the evening and it's that "sleep begets sleep" routine in that he doesn't sleep well at night time either, still waking a few times a night regularly. My Grandma helpfully pointed out that in the last 2.5 years we've never had a full week's worth of unbroken sleep...and he's an early riser too. Seems I lose out at all ends of the day! :)

I do want to insist that he has a "rest" in the middle of the day regardless of if he sleeps or not. Frankly, this pregnant Mama needs some toddler free time too and the bigger I get the more I know I'll need to put my feet up a little during the day if I can. He's not a huge rest on the couch in front of a DVD type either (unless he's sick).

So, do you have tips for encouraging a bit of a rest during the day with a toddler? I have been thinking of giving him some books and leaving him to it for an hour but if at all possible, I'd like him to drift off to sleep occasionally too! I have considered those leap frog tag systems where he can "read" to himself but wondered if maybe that was a bit too non-restful.

I'd love to know your thoughts!

A question or two for you my lovelies....

2011-06-01T15:14:00.004+09:30

Since the conference a few months back I feel like I've lost my blogging mojo a little. Perhaps it's a confidence thing - a lack of adequacy perhaps? - after meeting and hearing some truly amazing women speak. Women who are clever and can bloody well string a sentence or two together in a way that means something. As a result of that negative self talk I've decided to stop pressuring myself to be some kind of writing genius who enthralls you all and just write when I feel like it and when I don't, well, I won't. So posts have become sporadic.

I've also been struggling with something else for a while. You see, I don't really share with people in my "real" life that I blog. I know I'll temper my thoughts if I do. And I don't see the point of this space if I feel tempered in some way. Not that I share every single thing - I don't, but if I wanted to well, I would and I could is the point. Some of my loved ones do drop by but for instance, I haven't told my Mum. She thinks I keep getting free things and going to dinners etc cos of "something" on the internet but she really has no idea. I know she wouldn't approve. And her approval means a lot....but yet, I sneak about like a 15 year old and hide it from her.

I'm putting some time and effort in to marketing my little shop too and I am struggling with the balance of that - I know some of you drop by here because you know me through craft and others of you cos of the "me" stuff. I don't want to confuse the two and so I'm wondering if I should have two separate blogs? In all honesty, I don't know I want to have two - one is a big enough commitment but I don't want to confuse the issue and I'll happily share the other blog with people I know through life and through creative business connections.

I'd love to know your thoughts as the people who stop by here......

I'd love to put more thought into this but right now I have a 2.5 year old screaming at me that he'd, "like to go OUTSIDE NOW PLEASE MAMA."

Creative Collective June Project

2011-06-01T07:29:00.003+09:30

I'm REALLY excited about this month's Creative Collective project....even if you don't think you have a creative bone in your body (I don't believe you if you feel that way - everyone does!) you can still participate...the more the very much merrier....

The details are outlined below in brief but the full info is available at the Creative Collective blog

Be Inspired:
This month’s project is a snail mail swap ~ sharing something lovely through postal service. It doesn't have to be big, it doesn't have to be fancy, it just has to be thoughtful.

Share:
We want to see what you send and what you get! Leave sneak peeks for your mystery recipient by uploading it to the Creative Collective Flickr Group or the Facebook Page!

All you need to do to participate is sign up to swap-bot (if you aren't already) using the password ccsnailmail by June 14th. You'll find the Creative Collective swap right here. You'll have three partners and these will be assigned on or about June 15. Not that you can't get started thinking about what to make or buy in the meantime. You'll then need to send your item by June 21st.

For full details and conditions pop on over to the Creative Collective blog and there are further details on the swap-bot site too.

If you're playing along don't forget to grab the badge (either steal mine off to the right or if you're cleverer than I take the code from the Creative Collective blog post.

Happy swapping!